372 Ways To Say – “Not The Brightest”

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
Elevator doesn’t go to the top floor
Buttons are working but the electricity’s out
Hamster has died but the wheel is still going
Tires popped but the wheels still spinning
Not the brightest sandwich in the drawer.
Why would you store a sandwich in a drawer? why would you even store it anywhere finish it like a man!
The lights are on, but nobody’s home.
He’s only rowing with one oar.
She’s not playing with a full deck.
It’s pretty easy to row with one oar. You just switch sides.
has an IQ about 6 points higher than butter
At least butter knows how to make food taste good.
So roughly the IQ of I can’t believe it’s not butter
Their IQ barely reaches room temperature.
Few fries short of a happy meal
Does that make it a sad meal?
Ten cents short of a dime.
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree
Just a few lumens short of a blown Christmas light
Not the brightest star in the sky.
Them biscuits ain’t done.
Boy’s got good intentions, but he’s about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
Or pretty much any other Foghorn Leghorn saying.
Ah say ah say that boy is about as sharp as a bowling ball!
So dumb they couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel
So dumb they could fall into a barrel of titties and come out sucking their thumb
You couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a fucking boat
If brains were gas, he wouldn’t have enough for a red ant’s mini bike to ride around a cheerio.
Doesn’t know his arse from his elbow
Couldn’t find his arse with both hands
You don’t know your ass from your butt.
All moomins are not in the valley.Yup, this is quite Finnish
Couldn’t organise a piss up at a brewery is a personal favourite of mine
You’re about as much use as a chocolate tea-pot
Doesn’t that also imply you want to eat them though?
He doesn’t know if its pancake Tuesday or Sheffield Wednesday
You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
I use a similar analogy when describing something utterly stupid or useless.
It’s like putting a screen door on a submarine
Did you get that from Fallout 3?
Dumber than a bag of hammers
More dull than a bag of hammers.
My dad had a co-worker he referred to as “Eddie 51”. When I asked why, he said, “Because Eddie’s not playing with a full deck.”
Slower than a slug on a salt lick.
My teacher said the first one to a black 3rd grader & got fired.The darkest crayons are black
On the left of the bell curve.
Or at the top of the bell curve.
If brains was dick he couldn’t fuck a cheerio.
Most people can’t fuck a cheerio though
He reminds me of you.
Not the sharpest knife in the crayon box
Marginally smarter than a mossy rock
Called in sick the day God was giving out brains
Dumber than a box of rocks
When your boss tells you to do some stupid shit
This’ll go over like a dick in a disney movie
The only things between your ears are air and opportunity.
He/She doesn’t know shit from apple butter.
Doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground
If he had dynamite for brains he couldn’t blow his fucking hat off…
If he had dynamite for brains he could not blow his nose.
Not the smartest peanut in the turd.
A skull full of sound and fury signifying nothing.
Elevator does not go all the way to the top.
Lights are on but nobody is home.
That kid’s going places, not college, but places
As thick as 2 short planks
A couple of sandwiches short of a picnic
He is as stupid as bread.
He is as stupid as 5 meter of service road.
The lantern’s lit, but doesn’t burn very bright.
He’s sharp as a bag of hammers.
Has the brilliance of coal.
Antennas up, but there’s no reception.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
She was lookin’ kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead.
Unburdened by the weight of knowledge.
Could screw up a one car funeral.
Not the sharpest crayon in the glass.
Has the IQ of a kumquat.
Not the brightest star in the sky.
Not the brightest bulb on the tree
Doesn’t have the brains God gave a soda cracker.
Slower than molasses running uphill during winter.
Not the sharpest toolshed.
That gate’s half open
Couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery.
Couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse 🙂
A few prawns short of a galaxy.
Thicker than a spread out car hit by a truck
Half as much knowledge as a dead goldfish
Couldn’t organise a root in a brothel
His learning curve doesn’t have a guardrail.
One beer short of a six pack
Got all six cans but is missing that plastic thing that holds them together.
A few grapes short of a fruit salad.
A couple of tacos short of a Fiesta Platter
Everything Baldric gets called in ‘Blackadder’
Yer sharp as a boiled egg, ain’tcha?
not the brightest crayon in the tool box
Dummer than a bag of hammers…
Sharp as a marble.
Sharp as a bag of wet hair.
Not the sharpest tool in the Ted.
Wouldn’t know his arsehole from his earhole
Doesn’t have all the moomins in the valley
All the carpets aren’t straight in the attic
Not the sharpest bulb in the drawer
Not the brightest tool in the shed.
A few bubbles off plumb
Not the brightest crayon in the box
Couldn’t find their way out of a wet paper bag
As lost as last year’s easter eggs
Sharp as a bowling ball, and twice as bright!
Dumber than a can of dirt.
Brick red crayon in a neon box.
Dumb as a bag of hammers.
Sharp as a marble
Ain’t the hairiest nut in the sack.
Thick as a brick and twice as heavy.
Couldn’t get a lapdance in a strip club with a fist full of fifties.
Couldn’t find his asshole with a funnel.
Can’t walk and chew gum at the same time
If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.
Sharp as a brick underwater.
As sharp as a raisin.
Dumb as a box of rocks.
So useless, they couldn’t run a bath.
Not clever, but it got my point across.
The world’s second smartest horse.
I’ve had more intelligent conversations with a door
Not the fastest zergling in the control group.
Couldn’t fight himself out of a wet paper bag.
If you were anymore inbred, you’d be a sandwich.
Not firing on all eight.
The hard drive is spinning, but the OS hasn’t been installed.
Could fuck up the lords prayer even if it was written in stone in front of him.
That dog don’t hunt.
Only way he could get dumber is if he was bigger.
Poor girl’s brains would rattle in a thimble.
Every time she blinks, the world changes.
If he had half a brain, he’d take it out and play with it.
Working “Breath smells like crayons” into the conversation.
At least you’ll get a participation ribbon!
Her pancake isn’t cooked on both sides.
His cheese has slid off his cracker.
The cucumber has left the salad
Some that I’ve coined, heard or picked up on over the course of time……
From the US. Couldn’t help but read all of these in a country “cowboy” accent.
Couldn’t organise a fuck in a whore house with a fist full of hundreds and a golden dick
A friend of mine is always saying, “well, he’s not the quietest vibrator in the drawer, is he?” and I have no clue what the hell it means
but I love it.
Dumber than a bag of wet mice
My variation on this is ‘about as sharp as a sack of wet mice’.
Not the brightest bulb in the box
A couple sheep short of a flock.
As dumb as a rock
He’s not the sharpest tool in a box full of spoons.
Thick as champ.
Champ as in potatoes and scallions, not JOHN CENAAAA
Few sandwiches short of a picnic.
Has a kangaroo loose in the top paddock.
Not the sharpest lightbulb in the dishwasher
Couldn’t hit the wall with a handful of rice…
Couldn’t find your own ass in the dark without the benefit of a map, flashlight, and written instructions.
Not the sharpest crayon in the box.
If brains was lard, that boy couldn’t grease a fryin’ pan
Not the sharpest light-bulb in the cookie draw.
Not the sharpest apple in the shed.
Has the IQ of a deck chair.
A few sheep short in the top paddock
A few roos loose in the top paddock
Sharp as a bowling ball.
Dumb as a box of hair.
Not the brightest crayon in the shed
Did you live under powerlines as a kid?
Did you eat paint chips as a kid?”
Can’t carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it.
A few bricks shy of a load.
Can’t tell shit from shinola
At least you’re pretty
If brains were lard, you couldn’t grease a skillet.
Not the cutest kitten in the basket
Not burdened with an overabundance of schooling
If brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose
Even a broken clock works twice a day.
The rabbit at the controls has died.
One wheel short of a unicycle.
A sandwich short of a picnic.
Going all in with a two and a seven
You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the sole.
He’s dumber than a bag of hammers.
One egg roll short of a pupu platter.
One enchilada short of a combo platter
As sharp as a spoon.
One taco short of a combination plate.
Doesn’t know his ass from a banjo.
Not the sharpest light bulb in the tool shed.
Few beers short of a slab
Not worth the full of your arse of boiled snow
Not the sharpest tool in the Ted
He’s got two neurons held together by a spirochete.
A kangaroo loose in the top paddock
A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
Slower than Magic Johnson’s AIDS
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Not the most powerful gun in the armory .
Not the fastest car in the garage.
Don’t put metal in the science machine.
Not the sharpest knife in the crayon box.
A wet match in a dark cave.
My friends and I say “not the fastest fish in the toolbox” haha.
A few tacos short of a combination platter.
Heard on Reddit, but, “he could fall in a barrel full of tits and come out sucking his own thumb.”
Not the sharpest spoon in the microwave.
Non-vulgar one: He’s got two brain cells, and one of them’s inhibitory.
Vulgar one, from The Wire, I think: He couldn’t catch the clap in a Mexican whorehouse.
Dumber than a bag of rocks.
Not the sharpest bulb in the sea.
I prefer screen door on a submarine.
He couldn’t find his own ass with both hands.
Not the sharpest fork in the sock drawer.
It’s not a question of whether he was dropped on his head, but how many times, and from what attitude.
Smart as a bag of hammers.
A few plums short of a fruit pie.
Well, it takes all kinds.
Rockser than a box of dumb
Not my circus, not my monkey
Not the sharpest spoon in the jar.
He would go to the opening of a letter if he were invited
Sharp as a sack of wet rats.
Sharp as a wet tennis ball.
He’s a little bit 404.
An online video that is always buffering – from my cousin.
Not the sharpest bulb in the crayon box.
Usually takes them a minute.
Train is still at the station
A few tacos short of a combo platter
One can short of a six pack.
Couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery.
Couldn’t organise a nun-shoot in a nunnery.
She’s away with the fairies.
An old one that most people don’t get anymore: Doesn’t know shit from shinola.
He’s not the sharpest marble in the shed.
Fell out of the stupid tree and hit all of the branches on the way down
Bout as sharp as a marble.
If your IQ was measured in feet and I jumped from that number to zero, I would need to take a step up.
Sharp as a sack of wet mice
Not the smartest peanut in the turd
Sharp as a que ball!
So and so is as sharp as a marble.
Couldn’t douse a fire at the bottom of a lake.
A few tacos short of a combo plate
A few ants short of a picnic “Barmy as a box of frogs”
You’re about as useful as a spoon in the knife drawer.
Doesn’t have all the crumbles on his cookie.
He’s so deep in the closet he’s finding Christmas presents.
I admire your potential for improvement
Couldn’t find his ass with two hands and a map
You’re not the sharpest hammer in the pencil box.
Couldn’t organize a fuck in a brothel.
Can’t take with a scoop if you’ve been given with a spoon
Not the sharpest lightbulb in the crayon box
Don’t have enough wit to be properly classified as a half-wit
One tree short of a hammock
About as sharp as a sack of marbles
A couple of coupons short of a toaster.
A few pubes short of a Brazilian
How much is a brazillion
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
one french fry short of a happy meal
A few cups short of tea service.
He’s a taco short of a combination plate.
One beer short of a six pack.
Not the brightest crayon in the box.
Couldn’t find his ass with both hands and a lantern
Not the sharpest midget in the box.
A few slices short of a full loaf of bread
Might not be the sharpest tool in the shed but is definitely the brightest crayon in the box.
He/She is a freakin’ slow blinkin’ mouth breather.
Not pulling a full wagon.
The lights are on but no one’s home.
Not the brightest bulb in the box.
A few screws short of a hardware store.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
A few cards short of a full deck.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
About as sharp as a marble.
Only has one oar in the water.
Smart as a bag of rocks.
A hamburger short of picnic.
The elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.
A few peas short of a casserole.
A few keys short of a piano.
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
As smart as a stick.
Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivalled only by garden tools.
Has an IQ of room temperature.
Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Not the sharpest crayon in the box
Not the the sharpest tool in the shed
They are depriving some village of its idiot.
A few threads short of a sweater.
Driveway doesn’t quite reach the road.
The battery is not fully charged.
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
A few bricks short of a full load.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
All foam no beer.
As smart as bait.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
The antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Has a leak in the skylight.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not all the soldiers are marching in line.
Dumber than paint.
Half a bubble off plumb.
Donated his brain to science before he was done with it.
A few shades beyond blonde.
A few watts short of a light bulb
Running on 3 cylinders.
Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord.
Would lose a debate with a doorknob.
Has an IQ lower than plant life.
All volume, and no content.
Wouldn’t know if they were on foot or horseback.
The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.
The cheese slid off the cracker.
Doesn’t have all the chairs at the table. .
A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding.
A few pecans short of a fruitcake.
Would argue with a signpost.
If you gave them a penny for thoughts, you’d get change.
Dumb as a salt shaker.
Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Knitting with only one needle.
The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool.
Not the quickest bunny in the forest.
The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn’t been installed.
Not exactly burning all thrusters.
A few colors short of a rainbow.
The boat doesn’t have all the oars in the water.
A few ships short of a fleet.
A monosynaptic cretin (Don’t understand it? ’nuff said)
A few noodles short of a chow mein.
A few bristles short of a broom.
Doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.
Hasn’t seen the ball since kickoff.
The relative IQ of a deck chair.
A poster child for birth control.
A few players short of a team.
Couldn’t hit the floor if he fell on it.
A few sheep short of a flock.
Not the brightest light in the harbor.
One plate short of a tea set.
A few kangaroos loose in the top paddock…..
A few slices short of a sandwich…..
A few sausages short of a BBQ
If her IQ was any flipping lower we’d have to water her.
A few more braincells and he would be a cabbage.
One can short of a sixpack.
Few grapes short of a fruit salad.
Dumber than a sack full of wet mice !
Couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with instructions written on the heel
One booster short of the full zombie.
Three grapes short of a fruit salad

Enjoy !

(Collected from around the net, thought to be public domain, in common use)

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372 Ways To Say – “Not The Brightest”

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37 thoughts on “372 Ways To Say – “Not The Brightest””

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