100 Ways To Say – “Not The Brightest”

Not pulling a full wagon.

Not the brightest star in the sky.

The lights are on but no one’s home.

Not the brightest bulb in the box.

A few screws short of a hardware store.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

A few cards short of a full deck.


A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

About as sharp as a marble.

Only has one oar in the water.

Smart as a bag of rocks.

A hamburger short of picnic.

The elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.

A few peas short of a casserole.

A few keys short of a piano.

Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

As smart as a stick.

Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

An intellect rivalled only by garden tools.

Has an IQ of room temperature.

Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

Not the sharpest crayon in the box

Not the the sharpest tool in the shed

They are depriving some village of its idiot.

A few threads short of a sweater.

Driveway doesn’t quite reach the road.

The battery is not fully charged.

Dumber than a bag of hammers.

A few bricks short of a full load.

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few beers short of a six-pack.

Dumber than a box of hair.

All foam no beer.

As smart as bait.

Forgot to pay his brain bill.

The antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.

Has a leak in the skylight.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

Not all the soldiers are marching in line.

Dumber than paint.

Half a bubble off plumb.

Donated his brain to science before he was done with it.

A few shades beyond blonde.

A few watts short of a light bulb

Running on 3 cylinders.

Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord.

Would lose a debate with a doorknob.

Has an IQ lower than plant life.

All volume, and no content.

Wouldn’t know if they were on foot or horseback.

The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.

The cheese slid off the cracker.

Doesn’t have all the chairs at the table. .

A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding.

A few pecans short of a fruitcake.

Would argue with a signpost.

If you gave them a penny for thoughts, you’d get change.

Dumb as a salt shaker.

Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states.

Knitting with only one needle.

The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool.

Not the quickest bunny in the forest.

The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn’t been installed.

Not exactly burning all thrusters.

A few colors short of a rainbow.

The boat doesn’t have all the oars in the water.

A few ships short of a fleet.

A monosynaptic cretin (Don’t understand it? ’nuff said)

A few noodles short of a chow mein.

A few bristles short of a broom.

Doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

Hasn’t seen the ball since kickoff.

The relative IQ of a deck chair.

A poster child for birth control.

A few players short of a team.

Couldn’t hit the floor if he fell on it.

A few sheep short of a flock.

Not the brightest light in the harbor.

One plate short of a tea set.

A few kangaroos loose in the top paddock…..

A few slices short of a sandwich…..

A few sausages short of a BBQ

If her IQ was any flipping lower we’d have to water her.

A few more braincells and he would be a cabbage.

A few sandwiches short of a picnic.

…. Just a little light entertainment for today 🙂

Anyone else know any that aren’t on the list ?

Thanks and God bless to John Mark Ministries for collating the list, the original is here


Don Charisma

(I tried to reblog this or at least share on WordPress, but couldn’t find a WordPress sharing button on John Mark Ministries’ blog … These are all common sayings which means they are in the public domain … to be on the safe side, I’ve cited John Mark Ministries with a link above)

Resources & Sources

Unless otherwise stated everything here is (c) DonCharisma.org, all rights are reserved.


Comments are often welcomed, provided you can string a legible, relevant and polite sentence together. In other cases probably best shared with your therapist, or kept to yourself.


31 thoughts on “100 Ways To Say – “Not The Brightest”

  1. You have saved me so much time and so many irked words, Don Charisma. Now, when all those dating site dudes who have only looked at my pics and ignored my words write and tell me how impressed they were by my words–thus, they wrote to me–I need only send them back this link.

    1. PMSL … I know us guys eh, all surface and no depth … how did he and she ever manage to populate an entire planet !

      Looking forward to the flood of slightly bemused males, wondering what the comments will be like !

      1. Seriously, there have been three responses when confronted with the proof (and I have easy proof) of their lies and shallowness–which they learn as I see an immediate hit on my words and the blog it references): (1) silence; (2) fury–at ME, of course–for catching them out; (3) apology. From two men thus far–one sincere, and one another lie, claiming he HAD read, but not carefully.

        Sexist dweebs.

      2. Thankfully I’m “off the market” currently, but do empathise with you, I met and interacted with plenty of nutjobs when I was “dating” … if it’s any consolation, there are women who are just as badly behaved … so I’ve had worse, but those are stories for another day …

        My girlfriend I met on a bus, we just clicked from the first moment we laid eyes on each other … and have been pretty much inseparable ever since … for me it’s a combination of looks and personality … looks alone wouldn’t seal the deal, she’s gotta be someone I’d want to spend time with, and I like differences and similarities 🙂 …

      3. “Met on a bus.” Shared a cab.” “Met hiking.” “Just started talking in line at the market.”

        I chatted with the ubiquitous Paul about this. Men never approach me. Never have. Never chat me up, never hit on me. (I travelled alone for years on business, stopped in hotel bars for a drink, dined alone…) EXCEPT those with multiple gold or missing teeth, or a paper-bag wrapped bottle in their hand, or a beer belly hanging down to their knees.

        I do smile at people I’m passing. I do talk with strangers. I do look around when I walk on public streets. I did meet a date through the forced intimacy of adjoining plane seats–I chat–a LOT. But there has always been something terrifying to men about me, apparently. (I know it is not “repulsive”, for I catch the looks.) My dates typically came via my job, and I now work (barely) from home and meet out with only much younger people. It IS L.A., after all! You’re not supposed to be older here–no one wants to see that! Ew!

      4. I don’t know Paul, perhaps he’s heard of me 🙂

        I’m average looking guy and hardly ever get approached by women, because it’s so rare it usually shocks the crap out of me … and yes often it’s entirely unsuitable females who make the move … and been in plenty of UTTER WASTE OF TIME situations in the dating game …

        Back to my meeting my girlfriend, she made it SO obvious that it was a done deal via body language, that the approach was just a formality … I simply had nothing to lose … which suited me perfectly, a few evenings later we were having a drink together and the rest is history …

        Personally, if I had any advice, it would be to tear up “the rule book” and throw it away and then set it on fire just to make sure. Preconceived notions (and conventions) of how we should be and how others should be, well I can’t think of anything more dampening on love and romance, and more of an obstacle to meeting someone suitable … find out what works for you and do more of it 🙂 If that means you making the approach, then that’s what you do …

        Someone wise also once said to me “change what you can, feature what you can’t” 🙂

        Also don’t forget that all the time you’re single, you’re depriving your perfect partner of the happiness of being with you …

      5. That was well-intentioned. Should a male not fitting the description given previously ever respond to my attempt to engage in casual chat with more than an uncomfortable grunt (whereas men outside my age range, and women of all ages, respond normally), I SHALL try to discern if the dude possesses a tongue–my bare minimum partner requirement–and then Quick! suggest a coffee somewhere. Together.

      6. LOL … just what I’d say to anyone in the dating game 🙂

        I think a lot of guys lack charm, but could be that they are just as wary of you as they you are of them … fear often creates awkwardness, and a lot of people perform badly under pressure … so perhaps allow them to make a couple of mistakes, no one’s perfect, and when they’re relaxed perhaps they’ll perform better … if not, then there’s always the “next” button, plenty more fish …

        For me the bare minimum would be that she has all the women’s bits, a good heart and doesn’t nag or act like a 5 year old the whole time 🙂 Good looks and a master-chef in the kitchen would definitely help to seal the deal ! Although I can cook very well myself, so not a deal breaker …

        Turn offs – gold diggers, pretentious types, eating disorders, prudes, devoutly religious, he-shes of any category, liars, manipulators, druggies, the incarcerated, most criminals, black widows, personality disorders … oh and definitely no narcissists … so a fairly rare lady on a dating site !

        Anyway, I’m (gladly) off the market, so happy days … I did definitely have to kiss a lot of frogs before I met my princess, but hey-ho, it’s about the journey, right ?

      7. Enjoyed your turn-off list (other than that troublesome word “nag”.)

        Don, I’m not getting to the “mistake” step. If a man hasn’t read my profile, I won’t consider him. Not reading a woman’s words isn’t a “mistake”. It is being a —–. I have met up with the ones who have read my words who are in my age range, who weren’t looking for a domestic with lady parts, who were interested in meeting me. I have met five men. In five months.
        Anyhow, way more than enough about ME, speaking of narcissism. I am very happy for you and your woman.
        Have a great day, as I intend to. I’m headed out to walk on a grassy meadow near trees, and listen to birdsong.

      8. LOL so my rough edges are keeping you on your toes, could be I’m right where I want to be ? … almost all women I’ve ever met “Nag”, it’s just the extent and the screechiness and the appropriateness of the timing which are the issue 🙂 .. nag when I’m asleep but not when I’m watching a movie I’m totally engrossed in 🙂 … and nagging during sex, well sure to precipitate flaccidity, don’t women know we can’t do more than one thing at once …

        Not sure that I agree that I would ever be on complete tenterhooks, hanging on every last nuance of what women say, sometimes I prefer to tune out and play music in my head instead … especially when said woman is “nagging” … hopefully none of that in your profile !

        Five men five months, sounds like a pretty good average considering the mixture of Neanderthals they allow on dating sites … and if they can string a legible sentence together and pay for dinner, a bonus I reckon …

        I don’t think Narcissism is talking about yourself, but might be self-indulgent … bloggers are by nature self-indulgent, so there was never any judgement from me !

        Have a great day yourself … and fingers crossed mr right (or mr right now) will be mowing the grassy meadow only to be distracted by an attractive feminine figure – you !

      9. Now, Don Charisma, you know i hold you in only the highest respect. But “nag” is a purely sexist word, and there are no two ways about it. To quote from my own post, The Sexist Word Hit List:

        When a man complains that a job wasn’t done which should have been, it’s called “complaining”. When a woman makes a reasonable request of a man, and he blows her off, and then again, and then AGAIN, this word is his way of excusing himself and blaming her, even in the business world (e.g. “I would have done it if she hadn’t NAGGED me.”)

        Admittedly, there are women who gripe about things they should not gripe about, just as there are men who do this. There are non-sexist terms like whine (oh, yes, men definitely do this, too), gripe, nitpick, or, in worse cases, b#tch, or verbally abuse, to describe such irritating behaviors.

        The second two-thirds of your response was so very sweet, Don, and filled with that Charisma for which we love and respect you. Thank you for that. Out of respect for you, I virtually kiss your virtual ring. Out of respect for me, I shall blow my kiss, rather than bow low to deliver it.

      10. Life is a mixture of emotions, I like to give people more than just the good half of the spectrum … Like I said, right where I want to be 🙂

        You don’t seem overly serious, neither am I – so I won’t hand you your ass over this one … other than to say, semantically, nag, as per dictionary definition does not mention “sexist”, or that it’s a prejudicial term ONLY directed at women … I know because I looked it up before I did this post, yesterday – https://doncharisma.org/2015/03/24/women-do-you-nag-your-boyfriendhusbandcatimaginary-friend/ , which includes a dictionary definition …

        Sexist – “Sexism or gender discrimination is prejudice or discrimination based on a person’s sex or gender. Sexism affects men and women, but especially women. It has been linked to stereotypes and gender roles, and may include the belief that one sex or gender is intrinsically superior to another.”

        Men (and children of both sexes) also do “nag”, so for me this is the conclusive piece of evidence that proves the word is NOT “sexist” … moreover, if both genders “nag” or have the possibility to nag, you can’t label a word or attach meaning to it of “sexist”.

        Also men complain about “nagging” but I don’t ever recall a man saying “I’m SUPERIOR to her because she nags” … we simply find it irritating, not a matter of vanity or “pride” … not a superiority complex, or way to “lower” someone else …

        For me nagging shows a lack of maturity, and a lack of taking responsibility for one’s own feelings. So rather than sexist, my conclusion is it’s childish, that is immature. Not in a sense of “I’m better than you because I’m not childish like you”, but in the sense “To be honest I’ve grown up, and don’t feel the need to nag”.

        I’d probably go on further to say, that blaming men for the problem, by calling the word “sexist” is a responsibility shifting technique – which I already touched on. And is an “excuse” to carry on doing it, with a plausible defence, based on shifting the responsibility onto the man, thus absolving and avoiding one’s own responsibility.

        So I reject that the word “nag” is a sexist word, based on the above. It’s your subjective interpretation, which may also be the subjective interpretation of a minority group. NOT the majority of people. And actually it’s not very charismatic to accuse a man of “prejudice or discrimination” when there is no such case. In doing so it’s also distracting and confusing from REAL sexism issues, which most charismatic men find abhorrent.

        “Unfair” I might accept, “Sexist” I do not. But that’s life dear, life is unfair, I could cite countless of my own experiences which were unfair … people would then probably call me a “nag” ! … so I don’t, well not too often 🙂

        THAT ALL SAID, my post yesterday was light hearted and playing with the generally accepted stereotypes in the situation. I write creatively, for fun, and I find these kind of topics amusing … Most Women get that I’m not serious, the ones who don’t depart fairly quickly 🙂 … and even some of them, seem to come back after an absence … Women I find are cool like that, and much more able to cope with differences of opinion in a charismatic way … men are often “daggers at dawn”, “duel to the death” … probably emotional intelligence vs logical intelligence, but I’m no expert so only a theory …

        A man is a mixture of sweet and not sweet, I think women that know me like me that way ! I can cook, iron, clean, whisper sweet nothings, and also could probably kill an attacking bear … that’s what men are, hard and soft in the same person … women too, I might add …

        So … *blows kiss back* 😀


        PS … did mr right or me right now turn up on the meadow ?

      11. Using the word nagging shows a lack of maturity, and a lack of taking responsibility for one’s own inactions. Its use against female partners and co-workers is most definitely a shifting technique. Feeling the urgency to write an entire post on this topic to try to put this uppity woman in her place (or that your d#ck is bigger than hers) I will leave to you to contemplate.

      12. RAOTFL, if I wrote a post that you inspired, then that means I was thinking of you and you influenced me … and if it’s a light hearted one, then in a positive way 🙂 … doh !

        As for “immature” and procrastinator, maybe, quite possibly … after all … “anything is possible with Charisma” …

        Still, though, I prefer “perfectly imperfect”, but then I’m a little bias on that 😉

      13. I shall visit your post later, Don. Right now, the tone of my hair is still ruling the tone of my demeanor, and I am nothing but a harpy– a harridan — the worst sort of common scold.

  2. Reblogged this on Straight From The Heart and commented:
    So, I was chillin’ in my crib, letting my hair down and putting ma feet up when this mail dropped into ma box! Scanning through and I knew i had to share! So, this is me sharing with y’all! Its more than worth the read! Enjoy!❤

    Thanks a lot Don Charisma, you do know you rock doncha?! 😉

  3. Wow! This is wayyyy cool Don, needless to say am soooo reblogging! Can I? 😇😙

    Thanks for sharing! 👍

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