Firstly sorry to all those who’ve commented, I haven’t been able to reply (I do manually approve, and 99.99% I put a like on). AND THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HEARTFELT MESSAGES OF SUPPORT – I READ THEM ALL, AND MEANS A LOT TO ME.
I can’t remember if I blogged about this before, I first heard about it in the movie “The Bucket List” with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman – who’s characters were both terminally ill with cancer, and they eventually made friends and had some adventures together. It’s a nice film, well worth a watch.
In the movie, they talk about the five stages of grief which I think originated with Elizabeth Kubler Ross :
I’m sorry I don’t have time to do a nice graphic, but the words are there. They help me to understand intellectually what’s going on emotionally – might help some others too, especially at this time.
Of course everyone is different and it’s a generalisation, and stages may get mixed up, or one can be going through several stages at the same time. It’s a model/simplification of an emotional process, not the actual process itself.
I think it’s important as others have advised me, to “let the process happen”, one’s emotions know how to cure one. If we get in the way, it just takes longer and more painful. So be OK whatever stage your in, or whatever emotion you’re feeling – we know how to heal ourselves (sometimes people with love and kindness, and high emotional IQ can help us)
Also, each of those emotional states can be alchemically used for good, and productively, if one channels the emotion correctly. For example :
Anger – might be getting things done, or having a good life clearup/clearout. Or dealing with that letter you’ve been putting off because you knew there’d be conflict involved. Anger can sharpen the mind and make one more decisive.
Depression – might be time for some me time, or down time, just being OK with feeling sad. Tears have a reason and purpose, sometimes it’s not time to be holding them back (sometimes it is) – only you can know that. Outside of stereotypes and morons, men can and do cry, and it can be cathartic.
Also, some of us do experience grief at the end of a relationship, or other significant loss, like an arm or a leg, or major illness, life savings, etc – so it’s useful knowledge for “loss” in general.
There’s much better in depth stuff out there on the web, just sharing a little bit of what I’m going through – via writing about it, in best way I know how – partially cathartic for me too – having purpose in the world, is cathartic in and of itself. As is helping others, to the extent we have the capacity to.
Hope you are well and safe
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4 thoughts on “Stages Of Grief (And Loss)”
You’re in my thoughts…
What people expect is that those “stages” are steps that you go through, when in fact you will often return to different ones at different times. Even when you reach acceptance, sometimes you will wake up in denial, or wishing for something different (bargaining).
Or a reminder will bring sadness.
I wish you strength in this time
I learned about them when I took psych in college, I think Aristotle was the professor. You move through them, but you can move backwards before moving forwards, and the stages can merge so that you experience more than one at a time.
Personal grief is easier to deal with, group is harder. A good example in the US is 9/11, people aren’t able to move past step 4, boomeranging back to step 2 every year as the media resumes coverage and brings up old feelings. One professor said that our nation took 40 years to get past Kennedy’s assassination because of the annual coverage, it took that generation to start passing before the nation could heal.