I don’t know what I did in my past life to deserve such great feats of assistance from lonely long distance truck drivers and women with “daddy issues”. One thing I can say for sure, is that gratitude is present in me for their diligent efforts in promoting intrigue in my little blog. Daily hits arrive from the lonely’s gossip – can’t hurt to have a little bit of bad-boy in me, some dudes thrive on it !
The little green monster, when combined with a perceived lack of attention and recognition, is a powerful force … What I don’t understand is why people put themselves through such misery of their own choosing, and then want to share their pettiness in public … braver souls than I … it’s a mystery, within an enigma, within a story, within creative writing on Don Charisma’s blog …
A Story …
A little something that happened in my life …
Many moons ago in my previous life as owner and head boy of a plumbing firm, I was called upon to help a post menopausal woman and her long suffering husband, with their aged heating system. The couple live in one of London’s most leafy and EXPENSIVE areas, Kew Gardens. They don’t have just ONE 5 bedroom house, they’d bought the house next door and joined them together, to form $20m/£15.5m worth of house !
Experience should have told me that the lady’s charm, before she got what she wanted was entirely fake, and an that an entirely ugly face would be presented afterwards. Sadly, I was running a business, had workers with families to feed, and fell for it hook line and sinker. It did become evident during the work, to my team and I, that she had no intention of cooking us any of meals as she’d promised. Or any other thing she’d faithfully promised. A VERY LONG STORY SHORT – Basically, the final straw for me, she said this to me one day – “I’m not going to pay you for 3 months. I went to have a look at a new car and the salesman said I could have it for free for 3 months, so I’m going to do the same with you.”. Utterly out of the blue, and completely in deviation from our agreed contract terms.
A little bemused, I said we wouldn’t finish the job until we’d been fully paid up, and if not they’d be hearing from our lawyers. Driving away from her house, I received a phone call from her husband (a very senior man in insurance, underwriter I think). He apologised for his half-witted wife and assured me that we would be paid. We eventually finished the job for her, got paid most of the money. But they flatly refused to pay for some extra work we’d done (at their request). They’d made it small enough that the amount wasn’t worth the legal costs to recover. So there wasn’t anything sensible I could do, apart from bear the loss personally, whilst making sure my employees got paid.
I’ve HEAVILY condensed the entire story. You couldn’t make it up, it was an utter farce she’d created – enough for an entire “Attention Seekers” guidebook (which maybe I’ll write later).
In any case it certainly makes a lovely story over a few beers to entertain my friends – joke is on you dear. My workers loved me for being able to see the humour in it. It’s a trait I’ve admired in those that I’ve willingly followed, so just assumed others would feel the same.
My conclusion is that she’s actually very bored, and lonely person. The only way for her to have an interesting life is to create conflict, which unfortunately doesn’t make her likeable. If you are an honest firm such as we were, working to help her – well it’s a bit like spitting in your rescuer’s face.
Bottom line – There just wasn’t any need, for people as wealthy as she is, to treat us so badly, whilst we bent over backwards to help her. Still, each to their own I guess.
Far from gaining a friend, as she faked at the beginning, well, let’s just say, she’s off my Christmas card list permanently. Obviously I would have preferred it to have ended on amicable basis, but people do what they do, up to them.
Only thing I’m really thankful for is what I learnt. AND of course the story, which has been laughed at many times over many many beers. Joke’s on you Mrs Attention Seeker 😀
– Don Charisma
Attention Seeking Behaviour
Attention seekers aren’t particularly difficult to spot. Their neediness comes across, they crave attention, any mere morsel will do, good or bad doesn’t seem to matter to them. Oddly, the ones who start with charm, once they’ve had their feed, they seem to sprout a dirty nasty viscous streak. Some have dropped the charm at the start and go straight into the vicious nasty streak from the get go. I could conjecture on cynicism, but I wont, you can fill in that blank yourself.
A common strategy that they like, is to present that they’re the victim of some slight or other, as a way of getting the unwary’s help and support. I won’t use the “T” word, just right now, but I reckon you know where I’d go with that …
What does this say to me overall ? WEAKNESS, it stinks of insecurity, cowardice and fear. Fear mostly, though, in my experience, but only of their own shadows.
I do things how I want to – because of this people can’t predict my next move. It’s a bad-boy aspect of “Anything IS possible with Charisma” because anything is possible, usually in a positive direction, but I will always stand up for myself.
It’s also said that the unknown is a person’s biggest fear. Fear generates various reactions or responses. The obvious ones are fight, flight or deer in the headlights. The less obvious one is attraction.
So, when I see someone seeking attention using cheap insults here and there, there’s the obvious and then I see the less obvious. I must be occupying their thoughts, a lot for them to be persistently commenting on me in public in what they think puts me in a negative light. They must therefore care about me, a lot, to make themselves look stupid like that.
So counter-intuatively, and in true bad-boy style – I’m attractive to them. Their mind sees me as a challenge, a conquest … Something to be categorised and labelled, pigeon-holed, but they just can’t quite summon the mental strength to actually do it … I’m intriguing, I’m curious to them … and you know what they say – “Curioisity killed the cat” … and didn’t we fall from paradise, because of Eve’s curiosity over the forbidden fruit ? … Dangerous territory curiosity !
My little story of yore was brought to mind by a persistent attention seeker in the WordPress support forums – I blogged about recently – “Well Said – A Rant A Day Keeps The Doctor Away !”. Without her, I may never have shared my story to such a wide audience. So for that little push of encouragement, very grateful.
Dealing With Attention Seekers
A bit of a catch-22 with this. What they crave is attention, in not giving it to them, they only crave it more … and could become more vocal about how unfair it is via whatever manipulative means they can … luckily all but the most persistent attention seekers get the message … so ignoring is the number one strategy.
As to how one deals with persistent (verging on stalking) attention seekers, and other “Blog Tits” – I like how Gandhi put it :
First they ignore you,
then they laugh at you,
then they fight you,
then you win.
– Mahatma Gandhi
For me Gandhi-gee talks of giving them enough rope to hang themselves via pacifism and good humour. His good nature, shone a massive contrast on the tyrants of his time, so much so it became impossible for the whole world not to see how ugly they are. That’s the true power of pacifism – others watching the acts of tyranny, cruelty and wickedness see it much more clearly.
Being kind and good humoured in the face of nutty people – is a VERY STRONG character trait. As is the ability to turn the other cheek. Most simply can’t do it. It’s not an easy thing to do.
Never underestimate the power of doing nothing in the face of an attack – Gandhi-gee changed minds, hearts, laws and politics with his Charismatic pacifism. RIP Gandhi-gee.
Personally I’ll never be as “good” as Gandhi-gee – but I do love and admire his teaching of this VERY powerful method. However, sometimes boundaries do need to be forcibly enforced, all adults know this 😀
Or “Baffle ’em with kindness” a friend once said … if you’re not a Gandhi fan …
The other one I like is to “kid the kidder”, turn the mirror around so they can see what a TIT they are actually being 😀
If you’d like to explore the gossip factory that is the WordPress support forums, then do feel free to search for me on Google … There’s many juicy pieces of gossip in that forum – go on, have a look around at how much people help me, by making ridiculous stuff up !
I can’t keep on keeping my best secrets to myself – It’s an absolute gold-mine for my SEO … so there you go guys, a rare blogging tip especially for you !
Or, in the words of John Cleese in his British situation comedy “Fawlty Towers” :
Mr Abbot (a psychiatrist) making a professional remark on Basil Fawlty’s behaviour
“there’s enough material there for an entire conference.”
(“The Psychiatrist” is the second episode of the second series of BBC sitcom Fawlty Towers.)
Haven’t decided whether to include “The Attention Seeker” if my “Blog Tits” series … we’ll see what comes to pass, and whether it’s of any educational or entertainment value. MY guess is definitely maybe 😀
“Blog Tits” – Destructive Personalities In Blogging
Personally, I’m more interested in the whats and whys behind destructive personalities – so I’m doing a series on the personalities I’ve met along the way – “Don Charisma’s Blog Tits”
I’ll be introducing some of the personalities (“Tits”) involved who might try to make you believe their behaviour is constructive, whilst actually having a negative ulterior motive towards you.
You can’t kid a kidder they say …
It’s the “who’s who” of Blog Tits – the strange but true workings of uncharismatic minds. Underscoring for you my readers, who you may be dealing with day to day when blogging. That’s partly why I’m doing it … AND …
“Blog Tits” appeals to my sense of humour, so more for fun than serious 😀
Coming soon on DonCharisma.org – BLOG TITS 😀
Attention seeking behaviour we probably all do it to a certain extent. A peaceful old monk who meditated his whole life – maybe he isn’t all that bothered about connections with other people. The rest of us mere mortals, do like and enjoy the company of others. No man is an island they say.
My life is constantly enriched by the good friends and acquaintances I have. I think whilst it’s a wanting attention it’s not really a problem, it’s when it becomes a needing that there’s an issue.
I find it fascinating to watch others do it (attention seeking not meditating !) – what they just don’t seem to realise is just how much they’re giving away about themselves. And usually it’s not very pretty at all, often it’s downright ugly.
Far from the obvious assumption that what seems to be “bad-mouthing” is damaging to our reputations, I think it’s at the end of the day helpful. It promotes intrigue and mystery which are entirely positive things. I daily get clicks from people who’re intrigued by the colourful pictures others paint of me, you know the gossip – the stories people make up when they don’t know how to comprehend something … love all that, it’s great PR !
So for me, it’s helpful, it’s bad-boy SEO right there, done for free … Couldn’t pay for that kind of help, so I’m very grateful to Attention Seekers of yore, present and future 😀 … occasionally I give them their 15 seconds of fame, or infamy, whichever way you look at it. It’d be even more mean not to I feel.
The main thing is to reach the warm end of the pool, where you can laugh out loud about it – when you can laugh at it, is when you’ve “got it”.
So thank your critics, they may not be good people, but they can teach you how to be better yourself. Think of them as a “how not to behave in public” manual – with pictures, illustrations, diagrams and big writing for slow learners …
If all else fails “Baffle ’em with kindness” it’ll be the last thing they’re expecting …
Happy trails and happy new year 2015 😀
Over to you …
Resources & Sources
Photo courtesy of Pixabay CC0/Public Domain
Unless otherwise stated everything here is (c) DonCharisma.org, all rights are reserved.
Notes for commenters:
Comments are invited. BUT you are reminded that this is a public blog and you are also reminded to think before you press the “post comment” button.
Good manners are a mark of a charismatic person – so please keep comments civil, non-argumentative, constructive and related, or they will be moderated. If you feel you can’t comply, press the “unfollow” button and/or refrain from commenting.
I read ALL comments but can’t always reply. I will comment if I think there’s something that I can add to what you’ve said. I do delete without notice comments that don’t follow rules above. For persistent offenders I will ignore you permanently and/or report you.
Most decent people already know how to behave respectfully. Thank you for your co-operation on the above.
Warm regards, Don Charisma
23 thoughts on “Attention Seekers – Bad-Boy SEO – Don Charisma’s Opinion”
That’s beautifully written, true and full of insight. I smiled, guffawed and laughed, as I read it. Thank you for a lovely piece of thoughtful writing!
LOL … I’m sure you’ve met similar people in London … and thanks 😀
Sounds like a classic narcissist…the woman you dealt with and the personality you described in general. There’s a lot of info on it online…a big part of narcissism is that although they can seem to have big egos, they need constant validation of their percieved superiority…and part of that can come in the form of cutting other people down in various ways, which may have been why she decided to play games about not paying the workers.
True, you’re very probably right on that Jen … what I’ve been doing recently is focusing on smaller aspects of destructive personalities, I think some terms are a little broad … so Attention Seekers or Control Freaks … etc … helps me pinpoint what my gut is telling me is “wrong” in any given situation …
Some time back I was dealing with a “friend” with this personality type…my therapist explained a lot of this kind of thing to me too. 🙂
I think it helps (some) people to have an understanding of the whats and whys of where there’s bad behaviour … it’s possibly a positive use for labelling people … although like anything it can be abused in the wrong hands !
Great story …… Tubularsock met this same woman on a plumbing job years ago now. But she lived in a wealthy San Francisco, CA area. Money coming out of the windows but just couldn’t pay her bill on time and oh yes …….. same tactic of not paying for extra work that had been requested.
Tubularsock was meaner than you, Don. Somehow things didn’t work correctly until all past due moneys were paid. And then ……. fucking perfection.
Lesson one: Don’t fuck with a plumber that has his hands on your pipes! Not even if you crave attention.
LOL … well I didn’t include the full story it’s a much more involved saga … and yes definitely don’t fuck with the plumber, could be an expensive mistake … and a pretty obvious dumb one at that …
One guy who pulled a similar trick ended up paying £600 for work we never actually carried out for him … meanness rarely pays off towards good honest genuine people who’re actually trying to help …
As always Don, I love your spot on commentary and your postivie uptake on things. Most of us want attention I think, but not everyone goes about getting it in a productive or friendly manner. Cheers and a most #AWEsome and prosperous New Year to you and yours.
Agreed … and yes I try to find positive ways to be in the spotlight, others seem to see as a weakness, which it’ll never be !
Happy new year
Reblogged this on stkmh.
It’s kind of sad really, attention seekers. My mother is one. She once stood up on her chair in a restaurant (I kid you not) and demanded more coffee. Now THAT is seeking attention! And embarrassment on everyone else’s part but hers. Still to this day she thinks it’s a funny story and a badge of laughter to be worn by those who hear it, although everyone else who hears it thinks she’s nuts!
You couldn’t make that shit up … and yes I have similar or worse ones I could share 😀
Something to tell the grandkids !
Could be …
I’m a new follower. I have green monster & like recognition too. Where do you prime your edgy material? I have controversial topics too but don’t kno where to promote. Please advise. Thanks.
LOL … you’re too funny Janice … all will be revealed, I’m planning my blog tits series so more DonCharisma secrets revealed …
Happy new year
Really really liked this post since I did have a job where your advice would have been a big support. I learned to listen, let the attention getters rant themselves out, and then spoke very gently and quietly, saying basically the same thing over and over until they got it. Had to do this with my own Dad. Life is never boring, is it?
You’re a lovely woman to do this for others, takes a lot of strength … and yes I think once someone has accepted what they’re feeling inside, they can let it go and calm is restored … for me that’s something I do for loved ones and friends, but not for strangers, I’m not qualified or getting paid to do it …
And as for life’s pageantry of richness … nah, never boring, mix that shit up !