For some reason people seem to think I blog opinions of what’s going on for me right in that moment. Occasionally that’s the case. Often it’s not. Sometimes it’ll be something that’s current, something a commenter will have said or something that I’ve seen a pattern going on with others. It’s often therefore just an opinion posts for people to express their points of view and often there’s learning and enlightening on both sides.
I’m not lonely so don’t address any comments as if I am. I want to talk about others who may be on their own that I feel compassion towards.
The word itself does carry some shame – “lonely”. No one in social circles usually likes to be seen as “lonely”. In the social arena, that reads more like “dislikeable” or “unpopular” or “desperate”. Please forget that side of things, that’s not what I’m talking about. If I wanted to do a post on those things I would call the post “unpopular” or “desperate”, I am capable of thinking for myself.
What I’m talking about is people who due to circumstances may be short of friends. They may be sick, ill, in hospital, elderly and family doesn’t visit often and can’t get out, just moved to another country and so on ad infinitum. There’s many people I come across on WordPress who want the social, like to have a chat, like to say something to another human being, sharing is caring they say. Most of these people are lovely. Occasionally they do petty stuff, like I posted about “You Took Too Long To Reply To My Comment, I’m Unfollowing You”. It’s possible the person was lonely, and fed up with no-one to talk to. That doesn’t warrant rudeness or pettiness. But a reason that I overlooked at the time, sorry about that 🙂
“Kill Yourself Creeper”
The reason that I’m saying all of this is the more that I dig into people’s Google results who’ve left rude or petty comments, the more I see a pattern. And the pattern is loneliness. Perhaps their blog doesn’t have many followers, perhaps I see they’ve posted a classifieds site seeking accommodation and I find out that they are disabled. I had one lady who left the message “kill yourself creeper”, and on Googling her credentials, I found out she’s disabled and ex-armed forces. Doesn’t make it right to be rude, and I’ll never speak to her again, but does give an insight, an explanation as to why someone would be so angry at the world.
Along with this there’s some stigma attached to making friends, approaching others and saying “Hi, I’m Don, nice to meet you”. Things like “kill yourself creeper”, tend to put one off from going out and making friends, especially if one has had this said many times. So someone with few friends on WordPress might easily be put off by such messages, and eventually give up. Which is why I’m only just a little bit sorry for being critical towards rude and abusive people.
I’ve personally had to bear much criticism from people because I do knock on doors, say “Hello, I’m Don”. I bottom line simplly don’t really care what people say. WHY ? Because I’ve met so many nice people that way, they don’t care if I knocked on their door or they knocked on mine. We’re friends that’s all that counts.
The other thing I get quite often is people who are sick, ill or in hospital. I had one lady tell me how it so much made her day to see my photos, another say it was the highlight of her day to go to the internet cafe and see my photos. Just lovely comments from someone reaching out, to say something nice to me, even though perhaps they are feeling down.
Love And Kindness
I don’t have a problem with lonely people myself. I do best I can to chat, try make their day go better. Most of these people are lovely, and I wish there could be something more I could do. Many of them are kind hearted souls who want to share a bit of themselves and speak with love and kindness.
The only ones I don’t like are the leeches – they are lonely, in a sickly-needy way, latch on and then best case never stop talking to me. Worst case they are manipulators, will start to try to make you feel guilty and they just spend their whole time taking from me and giving nothing back. These people I feel may have some kind of psychological problem, maybe some bad-narcissism going on, whatever, I’m not a professional in this field.
Bad-narcissists aside, I want to say that I love having people visit my blog, especially those who are lonely. Being able to have done some good for people who want a bit of companionship makes my day. It’s like being part of a big extended family.
I just don’t have the resources to visit everyone’s blogs and put likes and comments all the time, anyone can see that, I’m already working long hours. So you will probably have to visit me. And I love that people do, really I do …
ALSO I WILL NEVER STOP KNOCKING ON DOORS, MAKING NEW FRIENDS – I LOVE MAKING NEW FRIENDS
I’m not ashamed of it, and no amount of morons leaving snide remarks on any of my pages will make me stop.
WordPress is blessed with thousands of lovely people, the bad apples aren’t enough to spoil the whole bunch.
Outward advice that I’m giving is get out there follow some other blogs, and make friends. Blogging has become very much a social activity, and there are a great many lovely bloggers on WordPress who are friendly, and have got time for friends.
As for the rude and petty, don’t engage them, unfollow them immediately and make your own personal blacklist, ie don’t follow them again later. Keep your own records of who you’re following and who’s following you.
“No man is an island” … no idea who said that, but just think about what it means …
We all “need” other people, that’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s actually one of the most lovely things about the world that we can help each other. Churchill said :
“We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” Sir Winston Churchill British politician (1874 – 1965)
I’ve written this for the many lovely people I’ve met on WordPress who don’t have many followers or many connections on WordPress. The connections are out there, the friends are out there, WordPress is wide open for tracking down those friends – the WordPress reader is FULL of other bloggers just like you. You might have to however knock on some doors, and drop the shame about “making the first move”. Friendly people understand that it doesn’t matter who made the first move. Morons will play games. Forget the morons, and concentrate on the friendly people.
For the negative bad-narcissists who always spin genuine human vulnerability into something shameful or selfish, I say this – “Go f*** yourselves, you are cruel and unpleasant, and no one REALLY likes you” or “F*** off back under your bridge, you troll”
Sorry mini-rant over …
If you have time today, follow some new blogs and say “Hello, I’m Don” or whatever. See if you can make a difference in other people’s lives, now, today. And see if you can make a difference in your own life too, there are MANY lovely bloggers who’d love to have a new follower, make a new connection or a new friend.
Your opinions are welcome, obviously 🙂
PS (Sir Winston Churchill is my celeb name for this post … for fun you may think up a tenuous connection if you like, please keep it clean and respectful, otherwise I may not be able to post)
Resources & Sources
“Sad” Looking Boy & Man Sitting Alone – morgueFile.com
Notes for commenters:
Comments are invited. BUT you are reminded that this is a public blog and you are also reminded to think before you press the “post comment” button.
Good manners are a mark of a charismatic person – so please keep comments civil, non-argumentative, constructive and related, or they will be moderated. If you feel you can’t comply, press the “unfollow” button and/or refrain from commenting.
I read ALL comments but can’t always reply. I will comment if I think there’s something that I can add to what you’ve said. I do delete without notice comments that don’t follow rules above. For persistent offenders I will ignore you permanently and/or report you.
Most decent people already know how to behave respectfully. Thank you for your co-operation on the above.
Warm regards, Don Charisma