“Lonely” – Don Charisma’s Opinion


For some reason people seem to think I blog opinions of what’s going on for me right in that moment. Occasionally that’s the case. Often it’s not. Sometimes it’ll be something that’s current, something a commenter will have said or something that I’ve seen a pattern going on with others. It’s often therefore just an opinion posts for people to express their points of view and often there’s learning and enlightening on both sides.

I’m not lonely so don’t address any comments as if I am. I want to talk about others who may be on their own that I feel compassion towards.

DonCharisma.org-Sad-Looking-Boy

The word itself does carry some shame – “lonely”. No one in social circles usually likes to be seen as “lonely”. In the social arena, that reads more like “dislikeable” or “unpopular” or “desperate”. Please forget that side of things, that’s not what I’m talking about. If I wanted to do a post on those things I would call the post “unpopular” or “desperate”, I am capable of thinking for myself.

What I’m talking about is people who due to circumstances may be short of friends. They may be sick, ill, in hospital, elderly and family doesn’t visit often and can’t get out, just moved to another country and so on ad infinitum. There’s many people I come across on WordPress who want the social, like to have a chat, like to say something to another human being, sharing is caring they say. Most of these people are lovely. Occasionally they do petty stuff, like I posted about “You Took Too Long To Reply To My Comment, Iโ€™m Unfollowing You”. It’s possible the person was lonely, and fed up with no-one to talk to. That doesn’t warrant rudeness or pettiness. But a reason that I overlooked at the time, sorry about that ๐Ÿ™‚

“Kill Yourself Creeper”

The reason that I’m saying all of this is the more that I dig into people’s Google results who’ve left rude or petty comments, the more I see a pattern. And the pattern is loneliness. Perhaps their blog doesn’t have many followers, perhaps I see they’ve posted a classifieds site seeking accommodation and I find out that they are disabled. I had one lady who left the message “kill yourself creeper”, and on Googling her credentials, I found out she’s disabled and ex-armed forces. Doesn’t make it right to be rude, and I’ll never speak to her again, but does give an insight, an explanation as to why someone would be so angry at the world.

Along with this there’s some stigma attached to making friends, approaching others and saying “Hi, I’m Don, nice to meet you”. Things like “kill yourself creeper”, tend to put one off from going out and making friends, especially if one has had this said many times. So someone with few friends on WordPress might easily be put off by such messages, and eventually give up. Which is why I’m only just a little bit sorry for being critical towardsย rude and abusive people.

I’ve personally had to bear much criticism from people because I do knock on doors, say “Hello, I’m Don”. I bottom line simplly don’t really care what people say. WHY ? Because I’ve met so many nice people that way, they don’t care if I knocked on their door or they knocked on mine. We’re friends that’s all that counts.

The other thing I get quite often is people who are sick, ill or in hospital. I had one lady tell me how it so much made her day to see my photos, another say it was the highlight of her day to go to the internet cafe and see my photos. Just lovely comments from someone reaching out, to say something nice to me, even though perhaps they are feeling down.

Love And Kindness

I don’t have a problem with lonely people myself. I do best I can to chat, try make their day go better. Most of these people are lovely, and I wish there could be something more I could do. Many of themย are kind hearted souls who want to share a bit of themselves and speak with love and kindness.

The only ones I don’t like are the leeches – theyย are lonely, in a sickly-needy way, latch on and then best case never stop talking to me. Worst case they are manipulators, will start to try to make you feel guilty and they just spend their whole time taking from me and giving nothing back. These people I feel may have some kind of psychological problem, maybe some bad-narcissism going on, whatever, I’m not a professional in this field.

Bad-narcissists aside, I want to say that I love having people visit my blog, especially those who are lonely. Being able to have done some good for people who want a bit of companionship makes my day. It’s like being part of a big extended family.

I just don’t have the resources to visit everyone’s blogs and put likes and comments all the time, anyone can see that, I’m already working long hours. So you will probably have to visit me. And I love that people do, really I do …

ALSO I WILL NEVER STOP KNOCKING ON DOORS, MAKING NEW FRIENDS – I LOVE MAKING NEW FRIENDS

I’m not ashamed of it, and no amount of morons leaving snide remarks on any of my pages will make me stop.

WordPress is blessed with thousands of lovely people, the bad apples aren’t enough to spoil the whole bunch.

Outward advice that I’m giving isย get out there follow some other blogs, and make friends. Blogging has become very much a social activity, and there are a great many lovely bloggers on WordPress who are friendly, and have got time for friends.

As for the rude and petty, don’t engage them, unfollow them immediately and make your own personal blacklist, ie don’t follow them again later. Keep your own records of who you’re following and who’s following you.

DonCharisma.org-Man-Sitting-Alone

“No man is an island” … no idea who said that, but just think about what it means …

We all “need” other people, that’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s actually one of the most lovely things about the world that we can help each other. Churchill said :

“We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” Sir Winston Churchill British politician (1874 – 1965)

Summary

I’ve written this for the many lovely people I’ve met on WordPress who don’t have many followers or many connections on WordPress. The connections are out there, the friends are out there, WordPress is wide open for tracking down those friends – the WordPress reader is FULL of other bloggers just like you. You might have to however knock on some doors, and drop the shame about “making the first move”. Friendly people understand that it doesn’t matter who made the first move. Morons will play games. Forget the morons, and concentrate on the friendly people.

For the negative bad-narcissists who always spin genuine human vulnerability into something shameful or selfish, I say this – “Go f*** yourselves, you are cruel and unpleasant, and no one REALLY likes you” or “F*** off back under your bridge, you troll”

Sorry mini-rant over …

If you have time today, follow some new blogs and say “Hello, I’m Don” or whatever. See if you can make a difference in other people’s lives, now, today. And see if you can make a difference in your own life too, there are MANY lovely bloggers who’d love to have a new follower, make a new connection or a new friend.

Your opinions are welcome, obviously ๐Ÿ™‚

Warm regards

Don Charisma

PS (Sir Winston Churchill is my celeb name for this post … for fun you may think up a tenuous connection if you like, please keep it clean and respectful, otherwise I may not be able to post)


Resources & Sources

“Sad” Looking Boy & Man Sitting Alone – morgueFile.com


Notes for commenters:

Don Charisma Warning Improvised Writing

Comments are invited. BUT you are reminded that this is aย public blogย and you are also reminded toย thinkย before you press the โ€œpost commentโ€ button.ย 

Good manners are a mark of a charismatic person โ€“ so please keep comments civil, non-argumentative, constructive and related, or they will be moderated. If you feel you canโ€™t comply, press the โ€œunfollowโ€ button and/or refrain from commenting.

I read ALL comments but canโ€™t always reply. Iย will comment if I think thereโ€™s something that I can add to what youโ€™ve said.ย I do delete without notice comments that donโ€™t follow rules above. For persistent offenders I will ignore you permanently and/or report you.

Most decent people already know how to behave respectfully.ย Thank you for your co-operation on the above.

Warm regards,ย Don Charisma


 

DonCharisma.org Opinion Graphic


76 thoughts on ““Lonely” – Don Charisma’s Opinion

  1. Don, I love the heartfelt post. I wanted to say thankyou for being one of the first ones to compliment my blog and welcome me into the wordpress community. A small gester can certainly make a difference. From my perspective, the difference between you and a spammer is that you make a conscious effort to make positive, constructive comments without “selling” your own work. I appreciated that and consider you one of my fav. Blends (blog-friends).

    1. Thanks dude, that means a lot to me … personally I think “selling” should be done in a relaxed way, it tends to attract my type of customers, so it’s the way I like to do it …

  2. Great post, Don.

    Cultivating relationships, opening honest lines of communication and making new friends is difficult for all people. I think it’s because we have to open a bit of ourselves to strangers and most people (myself included) find this uncomfortable. There is a risk of looking foolish, weak or vulnerable.

    That’s why it’s priceless beyond measure when you reach out and are lucky enough to make a connection with someone in a positive way. As you have said to “make a difference in other peopleโ€™s lives, now, today. And see if you can make a difference in your own life too”.

    It’s a give and take proposition and when it clicks amazing things can happen!!!

    Very Best Regards,
    Eric

    1. Very much agreed Eric … people’s reservation entirely justified and necessary in my opinion … within that I can usually get a gut feel if someone is worth pursuing as a friend from the first moment of meeting … couldn’t tell you recipe, it’s a personal one that I’ve tried to define, but probably as peaceful warrior says – “don’t waste time trying to figure it out” …

      Hope all is well with you

      Warm regards

      Don

  3. I love this posts in special (because I love your blog :)). Ahhhh… when you know “special” people who makes your days is easy to see the difference between leeches and good people. It took me a long time to know the difference. Have a nice week!

  4. I realised I was lonely after a few changes in my life. I made a conscious decision to ‘open up’ and have met some really interesting people. It does make a difference!

    1. Hey Jane, thanks for being so open, I’m a great believer in owning my thoughts and feelings too … you’re a powerful lady ! … glad you’ve opened up, and it’s lovely to hear that you’ve got some interesting people around you … I’ve met plenty of lovely, friendly, interesting and cool people here on WordPress and meet them whenever I go out of my house … happy days ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. I am so sorry to hear that you have had such abusive comments.
    Like you, I developed a strategy of smiling and being open with people to draw them to me. Like many others, I have recently become familiar with feelings of lonliness. There has been the breakdown of my marriage, having to leave my successful business, and having surgery which went wrong and saw me in bed for a year!
    My blog was and is a total lifeline and I have made a new life and new friends through it.
    Blogs give us the chance to express ourselves creatively and to reach out. I do not understand people who project messages of anger. What they should feel is gratitude that if they are in need, that someone in this blogging community will ALWAYS respond with empathy and kindness.
    Thanks for a thought provoking post.-Karen.

    1. You’re welcome Karen, and if I told you I’ve shared many of the experiences you mentioned then perhaps you’d understand me a little better … and obviously sorry for the bad times you’ve suffered, mine made me stronger in the end …

      Some people do have massive difficulties, and the world can be very cruel and unkind, so I try to temper my dislike of anger projected at me with a little understanding, sympathy, perhaps empathy and compassion … obviously I don’t let people violate my boundaries … they’ve shot themselves in the foot, or rather turned an ally into not, by attacking me … I’ll put up with a little anger from friends and loved ones, if they are having problems, but strangers generally I treat as an attack, and defend myself …

      My experience is that most bloggers on wordpress even the ones with massive difficulties are good, lovely people ๐Ÿ™‚

      Cheers

      Don

  6. Great advice! Thank you so much! I also want to thank you for following my blog. You have warmed many people’s hearts by knocking on their doors – you are very kind! I like to do the same, but doesn’t that take a lot of your time? Please help me understand. Thanks. (I don’t have many readers for my blog, but I am not lonely. I do like having friends even though I am not lonely ;-).

    1. Hey Helen, you’re welcome of course, and yes it’s good to make new friends ๐Ÿ™‚ … I spend a percentage of my time knocking on doors, another percentage posting, answering comments and so on … If you want to make new connections, there are very many like minded bloggers in the wordpress reader, you can search by keywords and you’re able to follow people there … a lot of bloggers will often follow you back ๐Ÿ™‚

      Please let me know if that answers you question (or not) ๐Ÿ™‚

      Warm regards

      Don

      1. Don, Thanks for answering my question (yes, you did answer my question). However, I decided to take a short cut by visiting people who had commented on your blog and I did find several to follow ๐Ÿ˜‰ You are amazing!!! Thanks for giving us a chance to share our blog address with others. (And I enjoy reading your blog a lot.)

  7. Hey Don, I enjoyed this very honest post….. felt like a chat with a friend. I know what it’s like to be lonely (but that was before I knew myself), those these days I embrace being alone, it’s solace for the soul and I seek it whenever possible…… but more than this I recognize that hollow in others, I see so many people with their aura of loneliness and pain and wish so much I could heal that. I did get half tears reading your post, as I am reminded of so many people who pass by me in the street or in life who so need a little kindness to remind them that they are not “alone”…… thank you *smiles*

    1. You’re very welcome, and I’m pretty much the same, know myself a lot better … but it’s nice to have a few good friends around, from time to time I do need them, and I do my best to reciprocate … and yes many souls feeling lonely, we don’t have the power to help everyone, but if eveyone does a little then it might just be enough ๐Ÿ™‚ … speak soon, Don

  8. I love reading your blogs, you have so much insight. I’ve been reading and commenting on people’s blogs and it’s an excellent way to make friends. Sometimes I just click on someone’s picture and am amazed at what I find. I think if we spent a little less time worrying about our own blogs and a little more time enjoying the content that other bloggers had to offer, we would all be more connected. I’m amazed at the number of followers I’ve gained in the past month, and I follow each of them back and it makes for such a rewarding blogging experience!

    1. LOL … sometimes, and thanks !

      True say hun, good to get out, but don’t forget to do your own content too for that is that main reason for a blog !

      Cheers

      Don

  9. Well said, Don. Loneliness comes in all forms. I have a big aim hoping to create a blog that is interactive so anyone and everyone looking for friends or someone to talk to on relationship of any kinds can interact and ‘mingled’ on Worldwide Friends. I know I have a big aim and am still a long way to go to get there. Appreciate you sharing on this topic. Personally I think a lonely person is only as lonely as he or she allows him/herself to be. The world is a beautiful place out there or if they chose to stay home, at a click of the button on WP, there is you and me and everyone else to kill any loneliness they may have.

    1. Agreed. I’ve spent plenty of time alone, I enjoy the solitude for meditation and just being myself. So yes a lot of the time I think it’s possible for people to be happy on our own. However people have so much to offer it can be frustrating not to have anyone to share happy and sad moments with … I hope that your project will be a success, mainly it’s a question of hard work and persistence on your part, but if you keep going then there’s no reason why you can’t succeed ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Very nice post. I think some people may be lonely if they don’t really know where to find people who share their interests and such…people who go more off the beaten path. The internet is a good way to meet people who share things in common, but might never meet face to face.

  11. Hello Don Charisma & thank you for following me! It was a lovely surprise. I too find that the vast majority of people you meet, in ‘real’ & on-line are, interesting, interested & caring, I especially appreciate enthusiasm ๐Ÿ™‚
    It’s great to meet you!
    I hope the day is as beautiful for you as it is for me today.
    Fiddledock x

    1. You’re very welcome, and it’s lovely to meet you … friendly place the world if one’s looking for friendly people and forgetting the few morons …

      Hope speak again soon ๐Ÿ™‚

      Don

  12. Hello Don, I’m Paul! Thanks for following my blog – looking forward to reading more of yours. By the way – ‘No man is an island’ was written by John Donne in the 16 hundreds, a playboy turned priest. In a period when he was seriously ill, he wrote a series of meditations and prayers about how he felt, one of which is that one about how we are all connected. I think he would have loved the internet!

    1. Hey Paul, I’m DON LOL … you are very welcome my friend … I shall have to do some more research on John Donne, he sounds a very interesting man indeed, and thanks for the easy to digest summary, very welcomed with the quantity of communication I’m digesting every day ๐Ÿ™‚

      Speak soon

      Don

  13. I never comment, but this deserved one, even if simply to say it’s a lovely post. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I wanted to say thank you for following me and I’m glad I got to follow your blog in return. It has definitely brought a smile to my face, on more than one occasion, during my morning commute.

    1. You’re very welcome and I’m aware of many “silent” followers, which is totally fine for me …

      It’s good to hear from you and you’re welcome back any time, or not, happy to know that you’re reading what you’re interested in …

      Cheers

      Don

  14. keep on being yourself. do and write what makes you happy. we are not hear to please others but if we do and make new friends along the way, write from our heart and soul, are honest and true to the best of our abilities then all the more love and help to spread around the world!

  15. The more I read your posts – the more I like them – and you along with it Sir ๐Ÿ˜€
    Bless you.

    On a ‘separate’ note – I get that sometimes when I write things and folk think it is something I am experiencing at that moment. I think it is human nature really – and sometimes mis-interpretation(or bad editing on my part actually sometimes)?

    I once wrote in a comment – using it as an example for something about finding your partner cheating – and I got such a sympathetic response and condolences back — felt terrible for the lady!(AND felt like a right twit too!)

    1. It’s happened and I didn’t really want people well wishing me because they thought I’m lonely, I have few friends around me I’m happy enough generally …

      And thanks Belinds, the feeling is mutual, always impressed with your writing AND YOUR ART skills LOL

      I guess that’ll be a private joke now between me and you !

  16. Amen!!! Love this….ALSO I WILL NEVER STOP KNOCKING ON DOORS, MAKING NEW FRIENDS โ€“ I LOVE MAKING NEW FRIENDS

    It is people like you that make the world a better place to be and I feel honored to have you and your wonderful blog in my life ๐Ÿ™‚

    God bless you tones and tones Don and please don’t ever change ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. No man is an island,
    Entire of itself,
    Every man is a piece of the continent,
    A part of the main.
    If a clod be washed away by the sea,
    Europe is the less.
    As well as if a promontory were.
    As well as if a manor of thy friend’s
    Or of thine own were:
    Any man’s death diminishes me,
    Because I am involved in mankind,
    And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
    It tolls for thee.
    John Donne
    (British poet, 1572-1631)

  18. So true that WordPress is blessed with thousands of lovely people. Reading lots of varied and fascinating blogs enriches my life _ and keeps me happy when I can’t sleep!
    Great post Don.

    1. Thanks Kimberly, I’m not perfect I know, but do my best to write what’s interesting for me, I enjoy it … if someone enjoys it too, that’s a major plus for me ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. John Donne wrote the “no man is an island” poem. I always enjoy your photos and the names you give your sunsets. It is a lot of fun and whimsy to do that. One of my best friends in the world was a young man who, when you said “good morning” to him, grunted. Very precise in his dress, work habits, etc. Somehow, and I don’t remember how, I discovered he was a very high functioning person with autism. After that, I never said good morning, but always smiled. After a year, one day, out of the blue, he said he liked the bonsai(s) I had in my cubicle. I thanked him and told him I did them myself. Soon he would stop by and look and then go away. Gradually, he began talking more and feeling welcomed. Anyway, that wonderful and lonely young man and I did become friends and for 10 years, an enjoyable time. I don’t know how or why, but he was comfortable with me and we both shared laughs, moans, rants. I was sorry when his family moved and he left with them. Sometimes people are just lonely and need some kindness and sometimes, lonely people aren’t. They truly are curmudgeons. Like you though, I find no excuse for rudeness. my grandmother told me over and over….it is better to always be kind than to always be right. Sometimes, I get it right. Keep on being you. I really enjoy your postings. and always smile at the named sunsets!

    1. Thanks hun, and I love the story about the autistic man, patience and kindness paid off ๐Ÿ™‚ Not everyone is as thick skinned or see the world in the same way as us, so a little compassion for genuine people can go a long way …

      CHeers

      DOn

  20. I’m not sure the young lad is lonely. He may be reflecting on something. He seems deep in thought. He is getting to the age of wondering what life is all about.
    Leslie

    1. LOL, that’s pretty much what I look like when I’m 100% hacked off, which is more the point … I wasn’t sure what the boy’s story is it’s a stock photo from morguefile … it’s possible he’s a homeless kid … or possible he just has an upset stomach … very hard to say from the photo, but it was the one I liked the most when I searched for !lonely! in morguefile

    1. You’re very welcome, and yes lots of people with problems out there, shame there’s so much unhappiness, but that’s life … we can only do our best ourselves ๐Ÿ™‚

  21. Knock knock. Hello, Hi, my name is Don, I’m so happy to meet you! Oh wait, actually my name is Laurie and I feel exactly the same as you. “Having a new friend (which I use on my blog page) is like getting a Christmas present in April.” There is no excuse for rudeness, if you don’t like something, why just not ignore. NO need to be nasty. Nice to meet you, Don. Laurie
    hibernationnow.wordpress.com

  22. I used to be very lonely due to some physical things that kept me inside for a long time. I’m a friendly person but I don’t make many deep connections because of fears of abandonment. I’m learning to say that more because it makes the fear lessen each time. I love this social interaction with WP because it gives me positive feedback that I’m doing the right thing by developing a hobby, getting outdoors and striving to be better. I appreciate you as a fellow blogger and love your blog! Thank you for always being a friendly person and offering up a smile. ๐Ÿ˜€

    1. Glad to have you as a friend too … a lot of people read my comments

      So commenters please visit lorenehill63 and make a new friend ๐Ÿ™‚

      See you soon I hope ๐Ÿ™‚

      Cheers

      Don

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