I remember many many moons ago seeing a title of “Missing kids” … My brain works incredibly slowly sometimes, I thought it was about say parents who’d been separated from the children for some reason. On closer inspection, it was about kids that had gone missing. This post ISN’T about loved ones who have gone missing.
So I’m sorry for the misleading title, perhaps someone can suggest a better one.
What I’m talking about is our loved one that are no longer with us, perhaps they’ve passed away or sometimes it’s because of a relationship breakdown.
Grief is never something that’s “easy” to process, it simply hurts to become separated from someone we care about. We miss the way that they smiled, the way they talked, laughed, even argued with us. It simply hurts to know that we’ll never see them again.
I posted recently about “thinking too much”, and one of my readers replied with enough material for probably a month of opinion posts in one comment. Really I should ask her to write my opinion posts for the next year, she’d be awesome at it. Far from being an issue or a problem, the positives that came for me, is that a lot of us are asking the same questions or have the same unresolved things we’re thinking about. So thank you to her for volunteering the things that she thinks about, I’m grateful.
Sometimes I’ve found resolution, closure etc comes from going through an “emotional process”. I remember watching for instance “The Bucket List” with Nicholson and Freeman, a movie in which a process is described that terminally ill people go through – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
It’s a similar type of process that I think we go through when it’s a loved one who’s passed away or a significant relationship has broken down forcing us apart. I don’t know the exact order and emotions in the process, I’m not a psychologist or other professional. But certainly hurt, grief, sadness, anger are emotions that come up. My personal experience is that the acceptance part is even harder when the person hasn’t passed away but simply left us because they weren’t happy with us anymore, not “in love” any more. In this case there’s still a chance they might change their mind or circumstances change, which makes it even harder to “let go” (the acceptance). With a passing away there is a finality, a closure.
I do believe that ultimately we have to “let go”, our departed loved ones wouldn’t want us to be sad and grieving for long, they’d want us to be happy and remember the happy times. I also think that “letting the process happen” rather than resisting helps to expedite the resolution. So we may need to plan the time that we need in order to work through it, as we’re talking about pretty strong emotions that can entirely unbalance us. It may also be that we need to call on the people in our support systems, family and friends, to be there for us.
People without a significant support system may need to seek help from counsellors, doctors or other professionally trained people for support. Some have their faith and others that share the same faith that might help. It may be that for some people that they need friends, family, their faith and professional support.
In any case I think it’s probably unwise to brush of this kind of thing aside as not affecting one, usually it does and we need to be aware that is does. This is probably the most important point of all. No man (or woman) is an island.
IF YOU ARE GRIEVING AT PRESENT, THEN PLEASE ACCEPT MY CONDOLENCES, I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.
What I’ve found with these opinion posts, is that often it’s not really about my opinion, but very interesting to hear what others have to say. Some of you guys are a lot smarter than me. Of course there are morons too, but most of them now seem to read my disclaimers and find other places for their pernicious ways of being 🙂
PLEASE DO BE CONSIDERATE OF THOSE WHO MAY BE GRIEVING IN YOUR COMMENTS.
PS (Mother Teresa is my celeb name for this post … for fun you may think up a tenuous connection if you like, please keep it clean and respectful, otherwise I may not be able to post)
Resources & Sources
Mother Teresa 1986 – Wikipedia CC
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I read ALL comments but can’t always reply. I will comment if I think there’s something that I can add to what you’ve said. I do delete without notice comments that don’t follow rules above. For persistent offenders I will ignore you permanently and/or report you.
Most decent people already know how to behave respectfully. Thank you for your co-operation on the above.
Warm regards, Don Charisma