I’m been blessed with some awesome friends. So, the question is obviously rhetorical, advice to me in first person is not appreciated or needed – you’d just be making yourself look stupid really 😀
As it goes I’m generally a fairly good judge of character, and tend to choose my friends carefully based on how I feel about them. My ‘Ass-hole-dar’ has saved me many hours of pain and suffering I’m sure …
Something that I’ve always liked and heard somewhere, but can’t for the life of me remember where :
The best way to have friends is to be one to others.
I don’t always achieve it, but always I try to start off on a good foot. If the other person doesn’t reciprocate, or is rude or unfriendly, then it’s “next”, we didn’t hit it off, nevermind plenty more fish. Screening undesirables is a positive thing, it’s streetwise, almost everyone does it.
Not everyone is friendly, warm, or even interested in being friends. In very competitive places such approach might been seen as naive or even foolish. Some people want and enjoy conflictual interactions. Some people will not like us whatever we do or however we act. Sad really, but c’est la vie.
So why do people find making new friends difficult ?
Some things that others do that turn me off almost instantly and might exclude them from being a new friend :
- The want to sell me something that I don’t need or want
- They want something for nothing, or they want to take something from me
- They constantly talk about themselves usually whilst not listening
- They exhibit bad narcissistic traits
- They lie or cheat
- They have delusions of grandeur
- Their behaviour is or seems to be manipulative
- A conversation with them is a constant put down or one-upmanship/one-upwomanship
- They are overly competitive
- They are in too much of a hurry
- They are overly demanding, try to apply pressure, lack patience
IN a nutshell the things that turn me off potential friends, the most are – pride, arrogance, selfishness and behaviours that are likely to harm me, my friends or my loved ones.
The kinds of things that are likely to make me like someone enough to “be friends” are converse – humility, willingness to share, warmth … oh, and a good sense of humour is always a bonus …
Also, the importance of time as a factor is important, friendships take time to grow – this has a lot to do with trust taking time to establish.
So, the answer to the question “Why Is Making Friends So Difficult ?” is a complex one, there are many reasons why. It usually boils down to mutual respect, willingness to share, valuing the other, authenticity and collaborative rather than competitive perception of the relationship, OR a lack thereof, on both sides.
Oh and for me, “friends” are people who I want to spent time with, enjoy spending time with and we help each other in whatever ways we can. We have other words in the English language for other types of relationships – acquaintance, colleague, co-worker, contact, enemy, opponent and stranger all spring to mind. No reason really to call a “not-friend” a friend apart from tact and diplomacy, but what then of authenticity ?
Over to you … what do you think ?
Resources & Sources
Photos courtesy of Pixabay CC0/Public Domain
Notes for commenters:
Comments are invited. BUT you are reminded that this is a public blog and you are also reminded to think before you press the “post comment” button.
Good manners are a mark of a charismatic person – so please keep comments civil, non-argumentative, constructive and related, or they will be moderated. If you feel you can’t comply, press the “unfollow” button and/or refrain from commenting.
I read ALL comments but can’t always reply. I will comment if I think there’s something that I can add to what you’ve said. I do delete without notice comments that don’t follow rules above. For persistent offenders I will ignore you permanently and/or report you.
Most decent people already know how to behave respectfully. Thank you for your co-operation on the above.
Warm regards, Don Charisma