Negative people can distract one from one’s purpose for a while, but never permanently. Their pettiness makes people so little, their troubles are so often so insignificant, it’s pitiful really.
Today the cynics were put in perspective for me …
A mutual friend of ours told me he is visiting a friend today, an old work colleague. His friend has a son who took his own life whilst he was studying at University. I discussed with my friend a little of how we felt, and how difficult it is to deal with such a topic sensitively and compassionately. My friend’s approach was simply to visit the father and “be there” for him as a friend. It’s a simple act of kindness. I am thankful to my friend for reminding me that we all have the capacity for compassion. Our conversation reminded me of another friend, who passed some 10 years ago, Jerome ….
Jermone cannot be with us today. He took his own life back in 2004. I used to work with Jerome in London’s city, in a bank. Happy prosperous days 😀
We used to go out as a group for drinks, and Jerome was part of our group. Lovely guy, always a friendly word, and wise words too. I’m not gay, but Jerome was a very handsome man, anyone could see that. He wasn’t someone I’d have expected to be depressed or have emotional problems. He was always positive, bright and cheerful. Life and soul of the party.
So imagine my surprise one day when I went to work and was told that he’d taken his own life. It seems that under the surface he’d been suffering intensely, and decided that “not being here” was preferable to “being here”.
I do feel very sad that he wasn’t able to find the right support, and people around him, to help him through whatever had caused such pain. I didn’t even know about any of this, he never told me. I wouldn’t have treated him any different if I had known, I always enjoyed his company and I’d always regarded him as a good friend. However I think I would probably have found more time for him, and helped if I could, had I known.
So I’m writing this as a reminder, that our random acts of kindness, our compassion, our generosity does make a difference to people. Flip-side is that being cruel and unnecessarily-unpleasant generally doesn’t.
I saw blog today with many posts about suicide, and wanted to say to that person, please find a way to work through your challenges and find your happiness. I wanted to write something for them, but I have no experience or training. So I wrote this instead, my way of relating, my way of doing something at least.
Lastly, to say that there are people who have professional training such as psychotherapists who have dedicated their lives to helping others. I know this as I have two friends, whom I know socially, who are life coaches. It is up to the individual I believe to seek out such help, but please don’t be alone with suffering that’s impossible to bear, there are good souls in the world. Please do seek them out. Do only trust those worthy of trust, obviously.
“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”
I do my best to find kind words for people as and when I can. I don’t have a great deal of experience, or professional training, so do what I can. I do often worrying about saying “the wrong” thing – I wouldn’t want to make things worse inadvertently.
Jerome would have made a fine father, and was a lovely loving man. Such a shame for him to leave so young and with so much more life ahead of him. Farewell my friend, rest in peace.
Resources & Sources
Grass Field – MorgueFile
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