The great and all knowing all seeing Don Charisma got caught out yesterday. I used the R-word and offended a few people.
I won’t ever apologise to passive-aggressive commenters, you’re generally bound in a trash or spam queue direction. If you think you’re being clever with plausible deniability, well you’re not, you’re actually just pissing me off. I think the expression is – “You can’t kid a kidder” … does that translate into “American-English” ?
However I did have at least two polite reasonable people who pointed out that my choice of word, may cause offence. That wasn’t my intention, and extremely clear from the context of the post that I was talking about passive-aggressive, perhaps narcissistic behaviour from people and how I very much don’t enjoy it. I WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE WITH AN INTELLECTUAL DISABILITY WHICH WAS OBVIOUS IF YOU READ THE POST.
I would like to clarify that I have a friend with Down’s Syndrome who’s the cousin of my best friend from my college days. I also have a friend who I used to DJ with he has two Autistic boys. I cant fault these boys, they are bright, loving kids all of them. Retard is not a word I would ever use to describe them when talking about them or to them. It’s obvious that they are different, insulting is the last thing on my mind, more usually trying to be sensitive and accommodative.
So I am very annoyed at the implication that I’m some kind of biggot that’s simply not the case. And I will not tolerate as already mentioned passive aggressive, argumentative, rude or manipulative comments on my blog. My blog is public, my responsibility and I get the final say on what goes on it and what not. YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO LEAVE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE COMMENTS NOR ARE YOU INVITED TO HIJACK THREADS FOR YOUR OWN PURPOSES WHATEVER THE JUSTIFICATION.
Writing about Autism or Cerebral Palsy or Down’s Syndrome is not something I’m congruent with, I don’t know enough to intelligently answer and moderate comments. Nor enough to write intelligent and pertinent content in the first place. So I will not either have my posts hijacked into discussing issues which are clearly completely outside the context of what I’m writing about, and outside of what I’m congruent with.
Also I’ve said this before, it’s my blog and I will continue to put on it what-ever I want to.
Actually I’m fairly mild, most people who read my blog would tell you that. So some of you might want to check out The Sting of Scorpion’s take on people being offended by a cow photo he posted on his blog – “When You Choose To Be Offended”
Which is fair enough it’s his blog, he runs it, he can put whatever he wants on it, same as me. I respect that, I respect him.
So within the confines of a public blog that has a multi-cultural, multi-national following – please can someone enlighten me on words that I can use to show EXTREME criticism of someone’s stupidity without falling foul of offending people who have an intellectual disability that is outside of their control.
I’m quite within my rights to criticise and quite within my rights to criticise strongly. Dumbass and stupid aren’t really quite strong enough to describe the stupidest of people, especially people who are being manipulative and passive-aggressive.
Retard is I understand not to be used in a derogatory or critical context, so that is out. Accepted, lesson learnt, it’s been politely explained to me, my mistake – I’m not an unreasonable person.
How about moron and imbecile, do these words have the same problems ?
So over to you readers, please assist me on being able to communicate my feelings more clearly. *Help !*
(Obviously bear in mind that an expression of seeing someone else as stupid is entirely subjective and down to one’s own opinion.)
Resources & Sources
Boy Pulling Silly Face – morgueFile.com
Not Offended Yoda – thestingofthescorpion.wordpress.com
Notes for commenters:
Comments are invited. BUT you are reminded that this is a public blog and you are also reminded to think before you press the “post comment” button.
Good manners are a mark of a charismatic person – so please keep comments civil, non-argumentative, constructive and related, or they will be moderated. If you feel you can’t comply, press the “unfollow” button and/or refrain from commenting.
I read ALL comments but can’t always reply. I will comment if I think there’s something that I can add to what you’ve said. I do delete without notice comments that don’t follow rules above. For persistent offenders I will ignore you permanently and/or report you.
Most decent people already know how to behave respectfully. Thank you for your co-operation on the above.
59 thoughts on “Critical Words For Stupid People (Where It Is Their Fault)”
As someone who works with people with learning disabilities, i will admit that I winced when I read the ‘D’ word. However, it is not my place to tell you how to write your posts or which words you should and shouldn’t use and so I said nothing on the matter. I chose not to press the ‘like’ button for the post because of the ‘D’ word and I hope you can understand why I wouldn’t have felt comfortable ‘liking’ it ( even though I completely understood that your post had nothing to do with people with disabilities of any kind)
As I say, it is not my place (or anyone else’s, for that matter) to tell you what you can and can’t write. I certainly applaud you for your follow up post in which you discussed why such a word might have caused offence to some people, but I think it is wrong of people to attack you for a post that they seem to have deliberately misinterpreted. If they’d read the post then they’d know that it was not meant to cause offence to anyone with a disability.
Hey heather, hear ya ! and there’s no obligation to press the like button, it’s your conscious choice …
I just try to tread the road of words intelligently, and this has been a helpful learning exercise for me in how the “R” word can and cannot be used … and generally people I want to criticise aren’t actually being stupid it’s more usually negative-narcissistic, cruel or evil … and most would probably agree that those people do need to be criticised !
I don’t remember the exact quote but isn’t there someone said that it’s a measure of the quality of our world how we treat our elderly, children, sick, disabled etc ? Sorry don’t remember the exact quote, but it’s to do with looking after those that are weaker than ourselves, weaker obviously I don’t mean in a derogatory way … why I say this is sometimes I’m ill or my strength is otherwise compromised, and without my friends around me, it’d be a whole level of more challenging life … and also gives credit to the ordinary angels who are mums/dads, nurses, care workers, teachers to name just a small list I’m sure …
“A nation’s greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members.” ~ Mahatma Ghandi
I think this may be the quote which you refer to, although many famous people have been quoted as saying something similar to this. There is a lot of truth in Ghandi’s statement in that we can only judged by how we treat those more in need than ourselves and that our action (or inaction) when it comes to this defines who we are as people.
I think it is within all of us to support those who are in need of more than support than us, whether a person chooses to acknowledge that part of themselves and the role society requires them to play is another matter entirely 🙂
Thanks hun, for remembering !
And yes the complexities that society imposes … hmmm … post for another day I think !
Political correctness is a minefield and I know you would never intentionally offend anyone. It never ceases to amaze me how much abuse you seem to get though, is that what comes with having thousands of followers??
For sure, I try to keep abreast of the PC game, and also try to be myself, it’s times like this that I could have handled it better, but then I always learn something from it …
I think people become envious of those that are rising, so that can be a reason. Actually in general I’ve found overall women to be more relational, we might have a disagreement, but it can be let go of, I see them back on the blog a couple of days later and we’re shootin the shit … it’s the guys that are the biggest problem, who don’t seem to know when to back down or walk away … it’s all duels at dawn, pistols or sabres …
All so unnecessary!!!
For sure … that’s life though 🙂
You just need to continue being honest to yourself Don. It is your blog and you don’t use to harm anyone in here, but stay sober and polite with great Charisma 😀
Do my best hun, telling myself the truth is important … and staying sober and polite, most of the time !
As the newfound President of “Modern Moron” I take offense. Just kidding.
LOL, sure and thanks for qualifying … can I be one of your imbeciles ?
This pisses me off! This is exactly what is wrong with the world. I get so sick and tired of everyone acting like their so sensitive. That’s a bunch of shit because it has nothing to do with sensitivity, it’s just pure assholism, if it were a word. It should be! People get offended by stupid things. Oh my gosh, I said stupid. All the stupid people of the world are now going to unite and come for me. Me included, sometimes. However my heart is good and I don’t try to hurt people with the words I say but enough is enough. I get it but people come on…. I lived in a foster home with several “disabled” people. Guess what, they called me retarded when I did something that made them laugh and guess what else… they told me that they hate the word disabled. Why… because they are not. Sorry for the rant but people need to remove their heads from their asses before it’s too late!
Sure, so there’s extremes … i think one can say almost anything with the right smile and context to the right people, so it’s much more than just the word itself … I can call my friends the “c” word in the pub, we’d laugh at each other, say it online to a stranger deadpan, and well enter shit storm … so it’s frustrating sometimes, and ultimately blogging about it is often the best thing to do …
Moron, imbecile, and cretin are all fine choices! 🙂
I read the “retard” post the other day and thought, “Oh oh … That’s going to push somebody’s button!” It didn’t bother me, and I don’t think the context in which it was used was offensive. But it’s so damned fashionable to be “OUTRAGED” these days, it’s a word I avoid. 😛
Well doesn’t hurt to push the outraged readers button from time to time, it clears the air I find … and I always learn something to boot … I don’t go out of my way looking for it, but happens as a natural course of things …
As a mother with a child who has autism, I will say that the R word hurts. However, I would be a hypocrite if I said that I have never used the word referring to the stupidity of some people. Kudos for standing up for yourself and apologizing to the people who were offended. People who respond with hateful comments are just as guilty of offending people and it isn’t necessary. I think people take things out of context because they thrive on drama. Ridiculous. Two words…free speech. 🙂
For sure, and yes I hadn’t started my day looking to cause offence to people with intellectual disabilities or their families, that was obvious from the post … moronic imbecile has been suggested, so might run with that if I don’t get any better offers …
I did a post a while back on free speech, my conclusion was it’s a privilege not a right, and that’s why I try and be sensitive whilst outspoken, finding a balance between being a complete arrogant a-hole and pc mind numbing boring …
I and my lovely and gracious wife are laughing our wazoo’s off over the whole affair. (Notice I used the word “wazoo” instead of ass because I like you Don am a sensitive bread). But i do have to say this I applaud anyone that offends one of these politically correct pinheads! We love your pictures and your blog very much! I just told the lovely and gracious Mrs. Hyde that going to the RAF museum is on my bucket list for sure!
Still lauging … Jekyll
That’s awesome, and really good to hear from you … I’m happy when people see something to laugh at, well at least when they’re laughing with me … as for the pinheads, well, I generally like plain sailing, enough woes in real life without fighting too much in cyberspace …
Do you know over here we have these grass trees with black stems that used to be commonly known as ‘black boys’ but they had to change the name. I’m over this stupidity.
However as someone working in the disability sector, I can see how the use of that word upset others. It is a word that used to be used to describe people with a disability. (However my oldest daughter still uses it all the time and she is one of the most compassionate people I know).
I would call these people moronic imbeciles if you need to.
Thanks suz, and yes my granny was quite annoyed about gollywogs being banned … for me it’s the same, I’m not attached to them … did seem a bit dumb, but like you, I’m over that stupidity …
So moronic imbeciles it is then … how long before that one gets “banned” ?
I love golliwogs and they appear to have made a comeback here in Australia. I have one sitting in here on my desk and I have a pattern to make some. I might just pull them out and have a crack at them soon. lol
my granny would be proud of you …
I grew up on Enid Blyton 😉
Ha ha, I used ‘moronic imbeciles’ in my new post 😉
Like it Suz … I think we are stupid that’s why politicians get away with it !
Yoda rocks… always keeps it real!
LOL …. yoda !
I too applaud your sensitivity to your readers. I admit I was taken aback when I saw the title of your post, but knew right away it was not meant to be offensive. I always bristle when the “R” word is used, as I worked with adults with developmental disabilities and saw first hand the hurt they suffered when labeled. I continue to look forward to reading and seeing your fabulous photos everyday. 😀
Thanks hun … not the way I would want to use the word, so lesson learnt really … photos are in the pipeline 🙂
Yeah – I hear your sentiment here.
Oh boy do I.
I sometimes wonder if the people who get offended by it are ACTUALLY the ones who would ACTUALLY USE the word in question to speak lowly of where the word is technically derived from.
We use words to identify things/places/people, and when we are dealing with an era where we have reached a point where there SHOULD be no second thought given to the value of every human being no matter the race or creed or mental capacity – you still get IDIOTS who differentiate in exactly what you said – a bigoted way.
– trying to keep up with the ever changing PC AND vocab as it progresses. – Is frankly dizzying –
I mean REALLY – accepting people of all different everything should be second nature by now…but nope – we still get ASSHOLES.
I find ATTITUDES a whole lot more offensive than words – to be fair – THAT may be OBVIOUS regarding me ;)…and of course – context and – social nuances and …tada….SAVVY 😀
YOU HAVE got savvy dear MR CHARISMA.
🙂 belinds I can’t find anything to disgree on hun, so I must therefore agree LOL … context is very important, the C word I heard is aparently the most offensive, I might say it to one of my mates over a beer with a smile we’d laugh at each other … totally different thing with a stranger … Sense of humour and a bit of humility I guess …
And thank you, savvy, I’ll take that as a compliment 🙂
You know – if you are referring to swear words dear – I say – mind the ears of youngsters (and I suppose ladies? ho hum di dum) …but then they seem to know more than I do – in reality, on a playground – I hear more bad language then I used to in nightclubs??
I think even those are just becoming adjectives as we go along.
Funny how it is not ok to SAY such things – but it seems it must be acceptable to actually represent and embody it? 😉 lol!
Or by C word – did you mean ‘context’ because apparently context is deemed offensive nowadays too. There is seemingly no such thing I believe. 😛
No the C word that describes a feminine body part that rhymes with eye-nah … you’re too funny …
and yes the kids in the local school probably know more swear words than most adults these days …
what is the world coming to ?
Nought – sadly. (THAT MOON _ I TELL YOU!)
There’s always tomorrow and the next day hun 🙂
I understand your situation, and have been in that spot myself. There is no way or, word to use, that won’t offend someone somewhere. Personally, I used the word “idjuts”, because they go beyond just being idiots.
You are not from America, so I doubt you heard this one. A few years ago the aid to then Washington D.C.’s mayor used the word “niggardly” to describe the congressional budget. A black politician announced his anger at the use of a racial slur to describe the budget. The outcry from the black community ended in the aid having to tender his resignation.
There are people out there who are so stupid that they amaze me that their brains can generate enough neural activity to enable them to move. They’re idjuts. Unfortunately for you, you have discovered that they can also access the web, and are capable of reading only a few words at a time, and comprehending none of them.
I’m sorry to say, there is nothing you can do about it. If you post, you will offend someone at some point in time. Just don’t let them get under your skin. And, yes, “you can’t kid a kidder” is a common phrase in America as well.
Thanks very enlightening … the aid probably should have known better, I checked and it’s a real word … but still getting fired over using a word that exists and is completely unrelated, well that’s very frustrating indeed ! …
As for the morons, they seem to filter everywhere, so online offline … luckily though most of them seem to be too busy on facebook, which is one reason why I like wordpress …
Thought it might be a yank saying actually kid is more american than English …
Whoops, I guess I missed all the fuss.
I used the R word yesterday … some people don’t like it !
Growing up as one of those kids that were constantly bullied I have endured my fair share of being offended, being hurt by words and the like but it taught me a very valuable lesson: Why even care?
What I don’t understand any more about this world is why people get up in arms about singular words. I can understand some racial slurs getting others upset, but in general the context of the word should matter more than the word itself. It just does not make sense, in a world where most of our communication is done online more often than not, that the words people use should be spent being offended over. There is more to life than that.
We are being taught that criticism of another person is toxic. That we should be aware of their feelings. If someone screws up, and screws up big, they should be made aware of their mistakes and they should FEEL why that mistake was bad. Talking to someone like their feelings can be shattered like glass does not encompass the whole picture of what their mistake entails. “Oh well he didn’t seem to mad so it must not have been a big deal.” That is the type of mentality passive correcting instills.
For sure … many of us had some hard knocks as kids, I had my fair share and I’ve seen kids who had worse … there’s something to be said for having a tough time and surviving … also believe there’s some place for empathy and considering other people’s feelings … but not the extent that we have to wonder around walking on eggshells whilst being manipulated by those who made us walk on the eggshells in the first place … so there’s gotta be a balance …
And yes totally the context of the word is crucial, if I say “you C**T” to a friend I’ve know 20 years whilst we’re having a beer in the pub with a smile on my face, it’s a lot different to a stranger with a frown on my face and a raised fist … I believe the C word is THE most offensive word, that’s why I used in my example here …
However contexts are ignored by lazy, stupid, tired, angry or otherwise mentally impaired people, so we’ll probably always have people getting upset about words and not looking at the context, the see what they want to see …
“What I don’t understand any more about this world is why people get up in arms about singular words.”
What I have never understood is how a word can be considered offensive by a group, but then that same group uses it and doesn’t consider it offensive. Case in point, here in America the black community considers the “N” word offensive, yet it is all over their music, their comedians use it constantly, some even use it in regular conversation. If it is such an offensive word, why is it okay for them to use it? A word is either too offensive to use, or it’s not.
Sure, it’s also a conumdrum for me … I suppose there are those who’d explain … and I totally agree there’s a massive double standard with this one, which I don’t agree is correct.
However – I welcome the comment, but starting to drift off topic. I’ve tried to be sensitive to people with intellectual disabilities here, so should probably show the same courtesy to those who are offended by the “N” word. It’s not a word that I use on my blog, nor do I see a need to use it in the near future.
In a way I can see it as them trying to “own the word for themselves” and take the stigma off it from a bad time in American History. I can understand it from that angle but what makes me rather upset is that they can use racial slurs against other races and it is fine.
They can call white people “crackas” or “whitey” or other white slurs all the time and they are rewarded for it. That is what I truly don’t understand about this country.
OK, so look, here’s the deal, I’ve already warned this going off topic, and this is progressing further … so sorry, I’m closing comments as this isn’t a discussion I want doing on here.
I enjoyed this article greatly, but I do have a serious objection to a point made. There are, in fact, a great many stupid people in this world and, other than saying that all facts are opinions (which they very well may be), there are rational and objective means for determining who is stupid and who is not. I am simply not going to bother myself by being exposed to mass stupidity to give examples.
You’re welcome, and yes for sure there’s much stupidity in the world, didn’t Einstein give the definition of insanity as doing the same thing expecting different results (or was it someone else) … and there’s many people doing that … as for determining stupidity, we’ll have to agree to disagree on that one, even a group majority opinion is still not fact … but I’m always happy to be proved wrong by polite people, so prove away …
I applaud your sensitivity to your readers, as I have no such virtue. Sensitivity is a commodity that, while noble, leads to tangles, as we cannot make everyone happy.
I am going to suggest Backpfeifengesicht as an alternate word. It means “face that needs to be slapped” 🙂 carry on, Don.
LOL, you’re not beating around the bush … and like the Backpfeifengesicht however it’ll take me a lot longer to memorise than writing an apology for using moron or imbecile, so I may just stick with what I know … face that needs to be slapped … funny !
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