This is cutting edge improvisational blogging. We call it –
“Whose Blog is it Anyway ?” 2 – The Unanswerables
We have written this for FUN, not serious, to amuse ourselves and our readers, and help promote our blogs. Please read with that in mind.
Commenters – Please DO NOT post outbound links whilst the event is going on AND please DO NOT post comments if you are a moron.
Whose Blog is it Anyway? 2 – The Unanswerables
Why “The Unanswerables” ? Because the titles assigned to my guest improvisers don’t have an exact scientific answer or they are just zany and off the wall.
Do not expect fact here. Do not expect the truth here. This is creative writing for FUN, HUMOUR and for those with a SENSE OF HUMOUR. It’s cutting edge IMPROVISED blogging, not science weekly or the historian’s gazette.
The guest improvisers were assigned titles by me, and are therefore NOT necessarily experts or even actually FOR the topic they are writing about. They all did however “YES, AND” the challenge which is the spirit of improvisation and what we’re doing here.
We’re not interested in your critical appraisal, it simply isn’t required. It is in fact IRRELEVANT to the context of improvised, for fun creative writing. Stop taking yourselves so seriously.
So without further ado …
His Highness – The Distinguished And Magnificent Lost Adventurer
Christopher is another random addition to the Don Charisma writing stables. This one’s a thoroughbred for sure, as he is a real impro guy, yup he really does live imrpo with a group !
He was kind enough to write our warm-up excercise and intro to impro, for the first challenge. And this time he’s taking part. So be useful to take notes from this guy as he seems to know what he’s doing, well as much as is possible with on the spot improvisation 🙂
Christopher is passionate about his writing and impro, and I really do hope that he’ll go far, as I say, anything is possible with Charisma. He’s produced a masterful piece of writing, which I hope you’ll all enjoy …
You can find Christopher at The Infinite Abyss(es) blog.
Please give a warm welcome to Christopher.
Dinosaurs were made up by the C.I.A. to discourage time travel
My name is Christopher Malone, a life-long resident of Syracuse, New York. Currently, I am looking to further my career in writing. (If I could, I wish to be the next Anthony Bourdain. However, I cannot and his awesomeness can never be replicated.) This blog, which was started in 2010, has been a foundation to motivate myself. My blog compiles everyday life into written words, following my adventures and misadventures, and it allows me to experiment with fiction pieces as well. Life is too short to sit around. My aspirations are to travel the world, and when I cannot go abroad, my priority is making the best use of time in this city and country.
Don gave me the topic: Dinosaurs were made up by the C.I.A. to discourage time travel. It’s funny that this topic was given to me, because… Well… Without further ado…
Dinosaurs Were Made Up By the C.I.A. to Discourage Time Travel
Part I: Dinosaurs. They’re not real.
(There seems to be a new dinosaur coming out with every find)
One of the two groups of people who really—emphasize the really—care about dinosaurs are Paleontologists. This group of researchers, doctors, desert combers, and dig-and-dusters dedicate their lives to discover and study fossils, bones, and any type of artifact they can find that could trace back to the age of the dinosaurs. All of these artifacts have led up to find and designate new, bigger, meaner dinosaurs.
It’s been an obvious approach, if you search for it. In the past years—let’s span a couple decades—each new bone that has been discovered was always part of a bigger species of dinosaur. This is the information that gets people excited, because these new beasts—a monster that has yet to be determined and researched—is bigger than the last. Hey, any type of dinosaur that is bigger than the king, Tyrannosaurus Rex, is one fascinating dinosaur.
However, there are bigger dinosaurs. Who determined this Tyrannosaurus Rex to be king anyway?
Take a look at the name of the dinosaur: Tyrannosaur begins with Tyranny. Exactly! Of course, there is no second Y in the dinosaur’s name. When the creators, the writers behind this character in the story of the history of dinosaurs, came up with the carnivore’s biography they did not have to ask that question themselves. They were making stuff up, and anything goes in fiction. The only question the creators had to ask was: Why not? All ideas seemed to be great ideas.
If this animal did exist, there would be no reason to ask questions.
And this begins why the C.I.A. is oppressing us with this dinosaur mumbo-jumbo. It’s to prevent time travel, of course.
With this second group of dino loving people, let’s face it. Children, boys especially and maybe some girls (I didn’t grow up with any girls who really took a strong liking to dinosaurs) enjoy the thrill of these towering and massive beasts. When we were kids, playing with dinosaurs or pretending we were the creatures, arguments would erupt over choosing the type. If someone were to choose the mighty T-Rex, the response would be an outcry of jealous vigilance.
Someone would then chime in with their decision to be Velociraptor, and the coup, including the now-designated T-Rex (kicking himself/herself for not choosing Velociraptor), has its attention focused upon that beast. It’s a vicious cycle until all children have been designated with their very own dinosaur.
Through various forms of media, these intriguing beasts have taken on various forms to lessen the severity of the impact of dinosaurs. People got annoyed for not being included in writing the story up, and this is why there are multiple reasons to explain how the dinosaurs became extinct.
Deep freeze? Meteor? A massive flood? Disease? Earthquake? Tornado? Sharknado? Inbreeding? All of the above?
Michael Crichton wrote Jurassic Park and The Lost World, and these—especially the former—emphasized the danger of messing with dinosaurs and Mother Nature. The scientists extracted the dinosaur DNA found in mosquitoes in petrified amber. They created and cloned dinosaurs. People died.
One guy got it while he was seeking refuge in a bathroom stall. Granted he wasn’t actually going to the bathroom, but I’m sure he shit himself the moment when T-Rex burst through the wall. Who wouldn’t? At least he was subconsciously thinking ahead.
Years later, Hollywood made a movie that was just as terrifying. The decision to adapt The Lost World came with mixed reviews and the third novel-free movie just plain bombed. Dinosaurs, in fact, were losing flavor. Dinosaurs supposedly have pea-sized brains; in the third movie, the dinosaurs were much smarter due to evolution. If they were so smart, why didn’t the dinosaurs with the power to fly actually fly? They could have flown to various countries, reigning terror.
They, they, say that birds evolved from dinos? Really? The flying dinosaurs and their being associated with bats is somewhat possible. The Velociraptor association with birds… no. Just plain no.
The C.I.A. should be much smarter than this.
This movie series was after the fact that dinosaurs were watered down for children, turned into toys, cartoons, cereals, educational computer games, etc. A sitcom was created in the United States, which was a worthy effort in my opinion, but the concept of the ferocious dinosaur was met with laughs. The baby dino was the decision maker on who and who wasn’t The Mama.
Even the Transformers franchise adopted the dinosaur concept with their Autobots line of characters-turned-action-figures. I may be young(ish), but I lived through these crazes.
Okay, so if DNA can be used to clone dinosaurs, why aren’t there any today? The fossil concept with the mosquitoes, the blood suckers, is a gem of a story. It could work.
Well? Where are they now?
Part II: Scare Tactics
(Why has it come to this?)
The C.I.A. doesn’t want you screwing around with history. The best way to prevent people from time travelling and doing so is to create a hoard of massive, carnivorous beasts that will not hesitate to eat you, or—at least—use your puny human body as a toothpick. If you overshoot your destination in time, you’ll be attacked by many T-Rexes lingering in the foliage.
(Normal Humans with Super Powers)
People have super human abilities that the C.I.A. wants to keep hidden. Unfortunately, time travel is not one of those super powers. It’s a bummer, I know.
In the late 1800’s a man by the name of H.G. Wells essentially invented the concept of time travel. It was practiced by one unknown traveler, and it was later revisited and perfected by Dr. Emmett Brown and Marty McFly. The later duos’ travels and practices have been silenced and notes of adventures have been burned. As for the individuals themselves… no one knows and the C.I.A. is not saying.
Dr. Who was unavailable to speak to me about such a topic; therefore, he will be omitted.
The act of burning books, especially classics, is ultimately illegal and a heavy negative impact when it comes to personal Karma. As a result, since the text of Wells’ masterpiece still exists, the book is passed off as pure fiction, and the concept of time travel has been deemed preposterous.
However, hitting 88 miles per hour is doable. The Delorian DMC-12 can be recreated; however, you’ll have to get the automobile particulars out of the hands of the government.
I can tell you from experience that success is not going to happen.
(So what now?)
Get a ragtag team of rogue mutants and storm Washington D.C. Those plans for the Delorian DMC-12 are sitting around somewhere, in some drawer and collecting dust. A simple internet search won’t come up with the exact location, so you’ll need a few specified mutants:
A Shape Shifter. Someone who can turn invisible. Someone who has the ability to teleport. Someone who can walk through walls.
The rest, if any others should be included is up to you. If you fail, however, you’ll all have the ability to walk through walls. Get my drift? Pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down? Comprende, muchacho?
The C.I.A. is all about secrecy, and the people involved are all about preserving history. They are suckers for history. It’s selfish, I know.
The dinosaur concept was generated, because they don’t want you to be selfish either. They want you scared, because if you do time travel—this nugget of truth was mentioned—you’ll more than likely overshoot time and end up in some moment you were not supposed to be. We’re human, and we are far from perfect. Granted this is every moment. By constructing the dinosaur dynamic, if you over shoot, you’ll end up in the prehistoric era. You’ll be gobbled up quickly.
(We’d ruin it for ourselves)
We’re humans. We make blatant noise pollution.
Could you imagine figuring out the concept of time travel and bringing someone along so you can prove this? You’d have to tell them that they would have to be quiet. However, their first step out of the time machine would parallel their first trip to New York City. You would ask them to not act like a tourist, but they still talk loudly:
“OH, MY GOSH! LOOK AT ALL THE TALL BUILDINGS!”
What if you traveled back to a childhood memory?
“OH MY GOSH! LOOK AT ME! I REALLY WAS A CUTE KID!”
“OH MY GOSH! THAT’S MY PARENT IN THEIR 20’s!”
“OH MY GOSH! I CAN’T BELIEVE I KICKED THE HORNETS’ NEST! THEY ARE SO PIS—OH, NO! RUN!”
If anyone can/could time travel, they could change their own history and history in general. One little change up can alter a series of events. You may benefit by changing your history, but you could be screwing up several lives in the process. By doing so, you—the time traveler—could essentially keep going back and forth, changing things, extending your life.
(The Fountain of Youth)
These back-and-forth ventures could essentially lead to discovering the Fountain of Youth. But that topic is for another time.
I have to quickly type this sentence out, because a hoard of black vehicles has pulled up outside of my home. If I escape successfully, I may be able to finish this report. As for now… Ciao!
I would love to thank Don Charisma and Madeline for selecting me to participate in this second round of WBIIA. It’s a pleasure to be grouped with these fellow writers, and it’s anticipated to see everyone’s submissions. For more of my writings, thoughts, and scribbles, please look me up at http://thinaby.com. Thank you again, everyone involved, for this opportunity.
BY Christopher, blogger extraordinaire at The Infinite Abyss(es) blog.
Notes for commenters:
Comments are invited. BUT you are reminded that this is a public blog and you are also reminded to think before you press the “post comment” button.
DO NOT post outbound links in my comments whilst “Whose Blog is it Anyway? 2” is in progress.
Good manners are a mark of a charismatic person – so please keep comments civil, non-argumentative, constructive and related, or they will be moderated. If you feel you can’t comply, press the “unfollow” button and/or refrain from commenting.
I read ALL comments but can’t always reply. I will comment if I think there’s something that I can add to what you’ve said. I do delete without notice comments that don’t follow rules above. For persistent offenders I will ignore you permanently and/or report you.
Most decent people already know how to behave respectfully. Thank you for your co-operation on the above.
Warm regards, Don Charisma