At the top of my blog, just below the menu, is says – “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind” – IN FACT ON EVERY SINGLE OF MY 2000 OR SO PAGES ! …
The same line has been there for a couple of years now 🙂
So it confuses me why anyone would condescend to give me advice (in public) on my caring what other people think of me …
A recent commenter told me they thought the title of one of my photos “offensive” and went on to tell me that they thought I’d offended other people because of “reasons” (undisclosed “reasons”) … ALL ENTIRELY IRRELEVANT TO THE TITLE AND SUBJECT OF MY POST, I might add, which is why I provide a comment box …
Ricky Jervais said it pretty well :
We have to stop this recent culture of people telling us they’re offended and expecting us to give a fuck.
To which he got over 10000 retweets and over 3000 favourites (likes) … So …
First off, I name my photos whatever I like … you can like the title, despise the title, it’s the same for me. It’s my photo, I took it, and I will name it how I please. The title isn’t at the end of the day for you, it’s for me, it means something to me.
Second, I’m not overly concerned with what other people think of me – especially when receiving unsolicited advice from a self-appointed expert. Add to this that such person may have dubious credentials of being an expert on what people do and don’t find offensive, and what’s acceptable and not acceptable according to the “decency police”. Look, you need to gain my trust and respect if you want to give me advice, or at the very least be very charming. After all why would I listen and take seriously (or personally), the ramblings of some unknown random on the internet ? Could be a bunny boiler or a nutter for all I know … a few bricks short of a full load … (which also brings to mind) :
Not the brightest star in the sky.
The lights are on but no one’s home.
Not the brightest bulb in the box.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
A few cards short of a full deck.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Depriving some village of its idiot.
Not the the sharpest tool in the shed.
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Not the quickest bunny in the forest.
All volume, and no content.
and my favourite – An intellect rivalled only by garden tools.
… anyway I think you get the idea ! (Thanks John Mark Ministries for that one)
Third, as someone once said to me – “Your art is your art, man, don’t let anyone tell you how to do it“. So just fuck off really telling me how to do what I do in a creative sense. Creative is supposed supposed to be authentic, it’s supposed to be real, this is art is it not ? Or do you think art has to go through opinion polls, suggestions and input from a peer group and then be changed to suit the maximum possible tastes ? Sounds more like politics than art to me, which are two entirely different animals …
And lastly, what a BORING world it would be if we all did the same, thought the same, wore the same clothes, looked the same, read the same books, had the same interests etc ad infinitum … AND AGREED WITH EACH OTHER ON EVERYTHING … I LOVE THAT HUMAN BEINGS HAVE INDIVIDUALITY, it’s a very precious special thing, not to be trampled over, silenced or censored, because a small minority objected or found something “not to their taste”. People who’ve travelled I often find get this, some others who haven’t often don’t. Perhaps travelling really does broaden horizons as the cliché suggests ?
WITHIN THAT – Not caring what others think is not the same as being a socio-path, narcissist or any other socially destructive personality where empathy doesn’t exist. OBVIOUSLY – have respect for the law and have respect for other people, which paradoxically may contain an element of caring what other people think. That’s life, we enjoy freedom because we have a structure within which freedom exists.
I can’t think of a more precious freedom than the freedom to be yourself. The converse I find almost completely abhorrent – being told who I am, what to think, what to do, with whom, when and how much – this is a prison, it’s human slavery not freedom. Slavery has long since been abolished in almost every civilised country in the world, and the majority of people I respect intensely dislike it. Well unless you’re a bit kinky, but that’s way beyond the scope of this post 😀
And of course there’s no need to be a complete jerk-off all the time by continuously looking for people’s disapproval. Or be different just to be rebellious – “the obstinate contrarian”. Be different because that’s who you are, not because you’ve not yet mastered your own inner angst, that’s a stupid reason to be in conflict … still no one’s perfect, inner angst is inner angst after all !
Feebly continuously searching for the way of least conflict, seems pretty pathetic, especially when there’s the opportunity to be yourself. Not everyone will like you for it, but that’s life kiddo, some people are just plain stupid –
“Stupid is as stupid does” – Forrest Gump
Conflicts happen in life, get used to it, that’s not going to change. Conflicts are a HUGE learning opportunity, so why avoid learning something valuable ?
Within that, who wants the hassle of unnecessary conflict all the time ? Most of us would admit to being happier most of the time without them. Not something to seek out, but not to run from them either when they find us. Sometimes we do have to walk away from them, especially when the truck is bigger than our car – courage not stupidity …
And a free ride doesn’t hurt, just don’t expect it for everything, all the time, life doesn’t generally work like that !
In any case – I don’t think you can please ALL of the people ALL of the time anyway, so why bother trying ?
So I’ll leave you where I started :
“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”
Have a good Monday BEING YOURSELF 🙂 … Or not …
If all else fails, then read what I wrote last Monday – “Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously”
BTW the title of my photo above is “Screw” (not Tom Hanks, doh!) … It’s a car sticker that amused me in passing this evening when I went out for a walk … offensive or not, it’s the same for me … read the above if that’s unclear …
Resources & Sources
Unless otherwise stated everything here is (c) DonCharisma.org, all rights are reserved.
Thanks to lakesbutta/wikipedia for Tom Hanks photo, CC3 licensed 🙂
Thanks to John Mark Ministries for “100 Ways To Say Not The Brightest”
Comments are often welcomed, provided you can string a legible, relevant and polite sentence together. In other cases probably best shared with your therapist, or kept to yourself.