At the top of my blog, just below the menu, is says – “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind” – IN FACT ON EVERY SINGLE OF MY 2000 OR SO PAGES ! …
The same line has been there for a couple of years now 🙂
So it confuses me why anyone would condescend to give me advice (in public) on my caring what other people think of me …
A recent commenter told me they thought the title of one of my photos “offensive” and went on to tell me that they thought I’d offended other people because of “reasons” (undisclosed “reasons”) … ALL ENTIRELY IRRELEVANT TO THE TITLE AND SUBJECT OF MY POST, I might add, which is why I provide a comment box …
Ricky Jervais said it pretty well :
We have to stop this recent culture of people telling us they’re offended and expecting us to give a fuck.
To which he got over 10000 retweets and over 3000 favourites (likes) … So …
First off, I name my photos whatever I like … you can like the title, despise the title, it’s the same for me. It’s my photo, I took it, and I will name it how I please. The title isn’t at the end of the day for you, it’s for me, it means something to me.
Second, I’m not overly concerned with what other people think of me – especially when receiving unsolicited advice from a self-appointed expert. Add to this that such person may have dubious credentials of being an expert on what people do and don’t find offensive, and what’s acceptable and not acceptable according to the “decency police”. Look, you need to gain my trust and respect if you want to give me advice, or at the very least be very charming. After all why would I listen and take seriously (or personally), the ramblings of some unknown random on the internet ? Could be a bunny boiler or a nutter for all I know … a few bricks short of a full load … (which also brings to mind) :
Not the brightest star in the sky.
The lights are on but no one’s home.
Not the brightest bulb in the box.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
A few cards short of a full deck.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Depriving some village of its idiot.
Not the the sharpest tool in the shed.
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Not the quickest bunny in the forest.
All volume, and no content.
and my favourite – An intellect rivalled only by garden tools.
… anyway I think you get the idea ! (Thanks John Mark Ministries for that one)
Third, as someone once said to me – “Your art is your art, man, don’t let anyone tell you how to do it“. So just fuck off really telling me how to do what I do in a creative sense. Creative is supposed supposed to be authentic, it’s supposed to be real, this is art is it not ? Or do you think art has to go through opinion polls, suggestions and input from a peer group and then be changed to suit the maximum possible tastes ? Sounds more like politics than art to me, which are two entirely different animals …
And lastly, what a BORING world it would be if we all did the same, thought the same, wore the same clothes, looked the same, read the same books, had the same interests etc ad infinitum … AND AGREED WITH EACH OTHER ON EVERYTHING … I LOVE THAT HUMAN BEINGS HAVE INDIVIDUALITY, it’s a very precious special thing, not to be trampled over, silenced or censored, because a small minority objected or found something “not to their taste”. People who’ve travelled I often find get this, some others who haven’t often don’t. Perhaps travelling really does broaden horizons as the cliché suggests ?
WITHIN THAT – Not caring what others think is not the same as being a socio-path, narcissist or any other socially destructive personality where empathy doesn’t exist. OBVIOUSLY – have respect for the law and have respect for other people, which paradoxically may contain an element of caring what other people think. That’s life, we enjoy freedom because we have a structure within which freedom exists.
I can’t think of a more precious freedom than the freedom to be yourself. The converse I find almost completely abhorrent – being told who I am, what to think, what to do, with whom, when and how much – this is a prison, it’s human slavery not freedom. Slavery has long since been abolished in almost every civilised country in the world, and the majority of people I respect intensely dislike it. Well unless you’re a bit kinky, but that’s way beyond the scope of this post 😀
And of course there’s no need to be a complete jerk-off all the time by continuously looking for people’s disapproval. Or be different just to be rebellious – “the obstinate contrarian”. Be different because that’s who you are, not because you’ve not yet mastered your own inner angst, that’s a stupid reason to be in conflict … still no one’s perfect, inner angst is inner angst after all !
Feebly continuously searching for the way of least conflict, seems pretty pathetic, especially when there’s the opportunity to be yourself. Not everyone will like you for it, but that’s life kiddo, some people are just plain stupid –
“Stupid is as stupid does” – Forrest Gump
Conflicts happen in life, get used to it, that’s not going to change. Conflicts are a HUGE learning opportunity, so why avoid learning something valuable ?
Within that, who wants the hassle of unnecessary conflict all the time ? Most of us would admit to being happier most of the time without them. Not something to seek out, but not to run from them either when they find us. Sometimes we do have to walk away from them, especially when the truck is bigger than our car – courage not stupidity …
And a free ride doesn’t hurt, just don’t expect it for everything, all the time, life doesn’t generally work like that !
In any case – I don’t think you can please ALL of the people ALL of the time anyway, so why bother trying ?
So I’ll leave you where I started :
“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”
Have a good Monday BEING YOURSELF 🙂 … Or not …
If all else fails, then read what I wrote last Monday – “Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously”
BTW the title of my photo above is “Screw” (not Tom Hanks, doh!) … It’s a car sticker that amused me in passing this evening when I went out for a walk … offensive or not, it’s the same for me … read the above if that’s unclear …
Cheers
Don Charisma
Resources & Sources
Unless otherwise stated everything here is (c) DonCharisma.org, all rights are reserved.
Thanks to lakesbutta/wikipedia for Tom Hanks photo, CC3 licensed 🙂
Thanks to John Mark Ministries for “100 Ways To Say Not The Brightest”
Comments
Comments are often welcomed, provided you can string a legible, relevant and polite sentence together. In other cases probably best shared with your therapist, or kept to yourself.
Don Charisma 
I remember when you write about about follows, unfollows, haters and trolls in your posts, that was funny. I’m glad to know that you don’t care what people say to you, finally. That’s the way :D. Have a nice weekend!
LOL … well it’s an aim … like to still let off some steam too, others seem to enjoy joining in 🙂
Reblogged this on shodfem's Blog.
Love this! I wish I were more like you! Made me chuckle as we all know at least one of these people! Thanks Don 😄
You’re welcome … and don’t worry I wish I was more like me sometimes too !
LOL! Okay, that was funny.
It’s great advice, to not take yourself so seriously and to not be offended by everything. The flip side is to not care so much about what people think because they probably take themselves too seriously and are offended by everything. 😉
Thanks, and yes totally 🙂
They have the right to be all offended…and they have the right just not to look at it if they don’t like it instead of telling you how to do your photography or art or whichever.
But if it was those stickers in the picture up there, I laughed at it anyway.
LOL .. was a different Photo jen, and I purposefully didn’t name anyone, as I didn’t get a bad intention … the person I do actually hold in good standing, and I hope they don’t take this post personally, as it wasn’t my intention to single anyone out. It’s actually more about me, me standing up for my right to be myself and not be manipulated by others – which I’m certain most other people feel very similar way about.
People have the right to think whatever they like, not my business … where I draw the line is when they start needing me to take care of their feelings, and oblige me to change my thoughts or who I am … I’m not a babysitter … and my freedom of thought and expression is just as valuable as theirs 🙂
And yes laughed at the sticker, and aware of the possibility to offend, which was part of the point 🙂
That’s the nuts and bolts of the matter!.
Leslie
There or there abouts 🙂
Great post and I totally agree! I this see a lot in the younger community coming out of universities who basically brainwash them in to being offended about everything.
LOL, yup, too much taking too personally me thinks … still at least we’re cool 🙂
We’ll thank God for that…;)
Amen !
Wise words, Don. I couldn’t say it any better.
Thanks, just something to get the week started 🙂
That car sticker is funny… though I wouldn’t have posted it myself… but that’s just me….but I did get a good laugh out of “Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.” which I had not heard before (or had forgotten).
I was looking up the correct wording for “A few bricks short of a full load” and that link came up with 100 similar ones, so jackpot … you should check it out …
As for the car sticker, well, why not, made me laugh and you, so mission accomplished really 🙂 …
LMAO…… Thanks Don…….. I just spit coffee on my monitor.
PMSL … my work here then is done 🙂
Amen!
🙂
Very weel roared Don 😀
It should not be so difficult to behave good and there are no need to be rude, not at all 😉
Irene
🙂 not in most civilised situations, people can and often do behave with respect towards each other even if they do disagree …
Yes and it is always possible to act kind, if we really wish to.
Very much, with the “but” it’s easier with some than others 🙂
I agree Don, some act like trolls or bullies to ask for problems…
I’ve seen it personally, and yes they do. There are many documented personality disorders such as narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy etc, and probably kindness for those people is best left to professionally trained and paid people – psychologists, psychiatrists and psychotherapists. In other cultures they may have religious or spiritual figures who’re able to help. Untrained and unprepared people are probably just going to get hurt in one way or another. Personally I give toxically disordered personalities a wide berth if at all possible !
Kindness is possible in any situation, but like a doctor would refuse to treat a patient if she or he was at risk in the situation, kindness is a choice, not an “set in stone” obligation.
So there’s kindness, and then there’s kindness tempered with wisdom.
And lest we forget the cliche – “sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind”, which I see many circumstances is applicable. Which could open up the conversation – “how to define what is an act of kindness ?” … alongside with “who decides what’s a kind act and what’s not ?”
You should write a post about that Don and I would like to reblog it 😀
I think that you have a good view at this and would like to read more.
Irene
I had a clever coach who helped me through some of my illusions … and yes I was thinking about blogging about it, now I probably will 🙂
That sounds great Don, send me a message, when you have, I can’t believe in the Reader. Too many posts never arrive to my Reader. I’m looking forward to your post 😀
Here you go – https://doncharisma.org/2015/03/24/when-cruelty-is-kind-and-charity-isnt-a-kindness/
Amen to all that You’re saying in Your text. Art should always be totally free. We’re all the same under the skin. The rest is conventions that often needs to be broken. So we all need to continue to be our selves!
LOL, liked the conventions, I suspect it’s the cause of creative block, but I’m no expert … creativity gets blocked with shackles on freedom … I think commerce and art do have a relationship … thankful a lot of the benevolent people who buy art, do so that it can be available for the public to enjoy 🙂 … but not always the case, that’s life really …
I agree. Art must be free – by that, I mean the freedom of creativity.
Hoped that was what you meant although wasn’t sure … artists still need to pay rent, food, daycare, etc so I think it’s a good thing that art has value … shame that so many talented people struggle in this though 🙂
Agree again 😉 Creativity freedom and more money to artists who struggle in their daily life to afford to create. We all need eye openers, like artists are.
We’re reading off the same hymn sheet I think 🙂
😀