Today’s prompt – “Disapproval”
A. Imagine someone disapproves of what you’ve said, what you’re doing or worse who you are. Imagine passive aggressive disapproval, ignoring, catty remarks, responsibility shifting, emotional projection (denial with blaming). Imagine aggressive disapproval, verbal abuse and threats, physical abuse and threats. What does this mean to you ? Why do you care if someone disapproves of you ? How will you defend yourself ? Will you succumb to force or stand strong ? Are you annoyed because you feel you’re being strong armed or bullied ?
Then imagine what it’s like to be them, what hurt must they be suffering in order to be so hostile and defensive ? Empathise with how they must be feeling. Does this make you want to change your point of view, what you are saying, who you are or what you are doing ? Or not ? Do you feel they are being childish by sulking ? Do you feel maybe they have a point ? Or Not ?
B. Put the shoe on the other foot, imagine you disapprove of someone else, what they’ve said, who they are or what they are doing. What does this mean to you ? What are you trying to prove ? What is it so important to you that you must show hostility towards another person ? Does logic go out of the window, and you want to “win” through any means and at any cost ? Why do you feel so strongly that you must be hostile in order to rectify what you perceive is “wrong” ? Do you perceive yourself as holier than thou ? Do thoughts of violence appear towards the other ? Are you a bully ? Are you strong enough to withstand a defence or counter-attack ?
Then imagine what it’s like to be the other person, hated, an outcast, worried for their safety for an imminent attack, relationship, friendship and alliance withdrawn. Bullied, oppressed, abused and attacked. Do you feel less or more like continuing with your disapproval when you empathise with them ? Did you get it right, are they really a “bad” person ? Is it possible you made a mistake and lost your temper too quickly ? Could you live and let live ? What if you’re the one that got it “wrong” ?
Why ? You’re a fiction writer or screenplay writer for movies. How do you expect to put together a believable enthralling drama, if you don’t understand the basic human emotional and interactive mechanisms ? Drama is based generally in conflict, and disapproval is surely a conflict mechanism.
Why 2 ? You’re a photographer, you’ve just shot 400 photos a photoshoot for a client, how do you choose the “best” photos to give to your client, if you don’t even really understand something like disapproval ? – I’ve even photographed disapproval, see my post on “the parrot pimp”, I wouldn’t have got those great shots if I’d caved in to the parrot pimp’s disapproval.
Why 3 ? Disapproval is a blocking mechanism. It’s a moving out of relationship with another person. It can be used creatively in improvisation as part of the scene, the opposite of accepting. So it’s introducing a fundamental concept of an incredibly simple “method” for creatives. It’s the closest thing I’ve found to magic pill creativity.
Why 4 ? You’re a great designer, you design bridges or tables or book covers or some shit. You still have to persuade other people to buy your designs, use them, build them etc. If you don’t understand disapproval how you ever expect to overcome an objection, just abandon the sale or bridge building because someone disapproved of something you did ?
Why 5 ? In part an individual’s charisma can be measured by their ability to be able to process disapproval, criticism and other blocking and negativity, intelligently. Wouldn’t a bit of time giving it some thought be useful therefore, for someone who wanted to be more charismatic ?
Why 6 ? Daily I get people asking me how they can improve their blog – “Please have a look at my blog and critique and tell me how I can do it better” … These prompts are it, I’m not going to critique individual blogs, I’m giving away something far more valuable than a few tips, I’m giving you the HOW THAT GOES INTO IT. Give a man a fish feed him for a day, teach a man to fish feed him for a lifetime.
Why 7 ? Didn’t someone say “criticism is the breakfast of champions” ? Well what do you think disapproval is ?
Why 8 ? This is kind of getting ridiculous. But I started these prompts to be something different from the normal prompts I see floating about – today’s prompt “Oranges” … yawn … sheeple … boring … My prompts are for people who want to go beyond the safe, the ordinary, the comfort zone and explore and push out beyond, past the barriers into unlocking their creativity and spontaneity, become all they can be. I could go on giving other reasons all day, all night and all the next day … but I haven’t got all day, if you didn’t get it by now … well perhaps you will later … it’s really all the same to me, I’m having fun anyway.
Write about it. Design it. Draw it. Paint it. Photograph it. Whatever it. Publish it.
Resources & Sources
Sulking Pouting Woman – morgueFile.com
Notes for commenters:
Comments are invited. BUT you are reminded that this is a public blog and you are also reminded to think before you press the “post comment” button.
Good manners are a mark of a charismatic person – so please keep comments civil, non-argumentative, constructive and related, or they will be moderated. If you feel you can’t comply, press the “unfollow” button and/or refrain from commenting.
I read ALL comments but can’t always reply. I will comment if I think there’s something that I can add to what you’ve said. I do delete without notice comments that don’t follow rules above. For persistent offenders I will ignore you permanently and/or report you.
Most decent people already know how to behave respectfully. Thank you for your co-operation on the above.
55 thoughts on “Disapproval – Don Charisma’s Prompt”
I’m enjoying your replies to posters as much as I’m enjoying reading your posts. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a personable guy on any blog. You really are charismatic 🙂
Hey Lulu, I do my best, I think it helps to make the blog work to interact with people … and thank you, it’s good to hear a compliment 🙂
Reblogged this on Forget the Viagra, Pass Me a Carrot and commented:
My mother who died at 95 had perfected a look of such disapproval and disdain that I have seen grown men slink backwards rapidly. She was dressed elegantly and made up by 9.00 in the morning and her greatest hate was male or females wearing denim jeans!! I am afraid my sisters and I wound her up dreadfully by wearing them to accompany her on outings to the end!!
Thanks for the reblog hun … and yes for definite it seems that women have much better ways of expressing disapproval than men !
Hi mate. How did you get all the following icons on your blog? regards Brian
Hey Brian, perhaps I’m being dumb, but sure exactly what you mean ?
mate your not dumb far from it i just wanted to know how you achieved so many followers.
Blogging for 12 months straight, 8-18 hours a day, 7 days a week didn’t hurt 🙂
I really enjoyed your post. Disapproval is something that I have had a hard time facing. Now, even though my feelings have been hurt, I am able to view their criticism objectively and change if necessary…or not, depending on what I think is right or not. The truth is, if you want to follow your dreams and goals, you have to learn how to accept that some people just aren’t going to like what you do, what you say, or even you as a person. If your desire is strong enough, you can use their disapproval to get better or just move on. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks hun, and yes very much the internal alchemic process of a charismatic person, creative ways to use negativity positively 🙂 … now I wonder does that work with money as well LOL
I have been on the receiving end of disapproval at work and been asked to change on many occasions. I have reached the point now where I ask how much they expect me to continue to change until I am no longer who I was in the first place.
But I don’t like when others disapprove of me. I feel as if I am lacking in some way. However when I disapprove of someone or something I usually bury it and speak about it only with others that I trust. I would never knowingly hurt another person.
It sucks this whole thing called life sometimes.
Thanks hun, for prompting the prompt 🙂
And yes that losing ourselves in order to please others, isn’t a nice feeling, some people have to do it everyday for their jobs … not an easy one …
You’re a goodun Suz, and shame with all the good you do that life sucks for you sometimes … you’ve got some friends and family around you which is a gift 🙂
Thank you dear. How did I prompt the prompt? lol
Been a long day/night, it’s my fingers blame them … 6.07 am bedfordshire been calling still have some work to do …
The minute we set pen to paper, camera to photo, song to music we put ourselves out there for criticism. You will never please everyone, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. The world would be a boring, dreary place if we just didn’t try to express ourselves in some creative way. And even if you please just one or two people. That may be enough.
Lovely Leslie, like that very much 🙂 … it’s nice when we manage to please ourselves and a bonus I feel when it’s pleasing to others … perhaps I’ll do approval later !
Go for it.
My favorite of your writings. A larger dose of empathy would solve alot. Well done brutha!
You’re welcome dude … and happy to have hit the spot …
If someone has constructive criticism to offer I will gladly listen if on the other hand they want nothing more than to be cruel i will tell them the truth which is I couldn’t care less if they approve of my decisions or not, im not trying to impress people im just me
For sure, and constructive critism I think comes from people owning their emotions, that is not blaming it on someone else (ie you or me) … if they want to be cruel, I’m with you hun, I’ll break ’em in half, no place for people being cruel to me or my loved ones …
I had an english teacher in high school that used soemthing called the five why’s. Essentially saying that we can get to the root of most problems by asking (and answering) why. It’s a really good tool for exploring human motivation.
Sounds interesting, perhaps I’m being dumb but I didn’t fully understand, perhaps you could elaborate ?
Sure. So, say you’ve got a problem. We’ll do something stupid for an example. I’m tired.
Why? Because I didn’t sleep well.
Why didn’t I sleep well? I kept waking up.
Why did you keep waking up? My cat snores.
Why does your cat snore? It has a sinus infection.
Why? Because you’re too cheap to take it to the vet.
If you keep asking why, then suddenly whatever you’re dealing with.. disapproval or some other situation makes a lot more sense. It just causes you to put yourself in another frame of mind.
Michelle, that’s a great idea, I really like it, and yes it’s kinda what I was doing when writing the post, keep on questioning until getting to the bottom of it …
So, kids asking “why, why, why” are pretty smart after all !
What a blessed place the blog is with so many able teachers 🙂
Absolutely. I’ve probably learned and forgotten a million things over my life, but that’s one of the things stuck with me. It’s just so easy to apply to practically any situation.
🙂 yes, it’s a very positive use of a questioning mind, and kids get it, and kids are usually smarter than grown ups !
Great post. One thing I’m constantly relearning: you can’t please everyone.
Thanks, and isn’t there something about only being able to please some of the people some of the time ?
In life there will always be people who disapprove of you, and who you disapprove of. But I guess you have to take inventory and see if it’s the kind of thing where you agree to disagree, or if the person ‘s actions are really malevolent or toxic for you. I mean, there’s a lot of ground between “your taste in music sucks!” and “I don’t want people like you in my neighborhood, so I’m gonna throw a brick through your window!” or whatever. And also to keep from being the instigator yourself.
There are people I’ve cut out of my life because I disapproved of the way they were treating me. It can be hard to try and figure out the other person’s motives when you’re the one in conflict and not an impartial observer. I cut off a friendship with someone who was very manipulative and boundary crossing and insensitive, when I finally compared notes with other people and found out she was spreading gossip and outright lies behind various peoples backs. Why do I think she did it? Well, I’m not a doctor, but she seemed to exhibit all the textbook symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder. So my final take on the subject was that she’s troubled and needs help, but A) I’m not equipped to give it to her and B)with my own mental health issues it’s not safe for me to allow myself to get brought into her headgames and exploitation (which my case worker also agreed with) so while a lot of my anger has calmed down I still have to protect myself.
For sure Jenny, so there’s mild disapproval and downright biggoted hatred, which are both form of disapproval … a question of degree …
I’ve cut people out of my life, for very very similar reasons Jenny, you’re spot on with your choices from what you said … I try and help when I can, but some are parasites which are beyond my help … my duty is firstly to myself, then to my loved ones, then to my friends …
Thanks for having a go at the prompt Jenny …
Thought provoking article… Made me think!
Thanks … and good I’m glad 🙂
So many facets for one word!
In the creative writing process, it is good to create characters who are not black and white. The world is not this way. A serial killer can be described by his employers as nice but shy but then commit atrocities.
In business, you just have to have thick skin and sort out the people being spiteful because they can compared to people offering advice. Even the later can be discarded when it is for example to build a dome over your business so the patrons do not get wet.
Finally, the internet has created great opportunities. It has given rise to sharing and friendships. Knowledge. It has also given people the chance to be cruel. Another form of disapproval that you should block out. People have to change themselves. Most don’t get it when you try to reason with them. It is about as fruitful as fighting a lava flow with a garden hose.
Thanks Steve, insightful as ever … you’ve say it very well 🙂
PS thanks for having a go at the prompt … you are allowed to do it on your own blog if you want, btw 🙂
Nice Post! Creative Intelligence comes with pushing limits
Thanks … and thanks for the new phrase “creative intelligence” liking that, although I may shameless plagiarise, aka make it my own … hope that’s ok ?
Loving these….They ARE so REFRESHING!
I ain’t got the energy right now to participate though dear…wish I did though – (wondering what a disapproving emoti is at the timing of these cool prompts?! lol! 😉 )
Thanks hun, and it’s cool for me, know you’ve got a lot on your plate at the moment … as for emoti, couldn’t really find one guess it should be :pout: or :please-don’t-interrupt-me-when-I’m-ignoring-you: or maybe :really: … any offers ?
My girlfriend seems to have about 4 million ways of expressing disapproval, I’m aware I think of all of them now !
All I can say to that dear is LMAO! Yeah…crazy ass world we live in really (Seems we are all feeling at the moment to oddly?? – something in the air??) Weird.
Could be the blood moon ?
—you HAVE a very valid point…
perhaps I should rethink the post I was about to post until the air has settled….oh – but it is SOOO good. ooooowwhooooo… 😀
I am going to email it to you!! lol! I think I need someone to keep me inline – lol! (seriously)
LOL, hun, you can certainly email me whenever you like … you know me I reply when I can … it’s 5.51 am here, and bedfordshire is calling 🙂
Ah yes = bedfordshire (sounds like a good place to pay a visit) – well you have a lovely email waiting for you when you wake or have had breakfast or wake up again later or whatever yeah dear. I imagine it may entertain you slightly. Decided I would not post it – I may get into trouble. OOPS>
Post it go on I dare you … (there’s me I don’t even know what it is !) … and yes shall reply to you in the morn …
uuuuuuuhhh – you are NAUGHTY! (like my daughter! She always dares me like that – little munchkin) Did I tell you she has her flickr up now?
Ah – we are veering off dude – you get some rest – will chat laters – 😀 sleep well.
LOL … yes, love to stay and chat belinds, but I’m getting past my sell by date … there’s the rest of our lives so no rush 🙂 … intend to !
Nice post and always a good reminder & challenge to look just a little bit deeper.
Thanks dude, and for sure, someone once told me wisdom is looking at things from as many different perspectives as possible …